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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I tell him?

9 replies

PillowMist · 06/09/2023 06:30

Hi

DP and I have been together about 18 months and live together. He has an ex who really did a number on him and some of our relationship ‘issues’ in the past have been due to his anxiety over these things repeating themselves.

He was no longer friends with her on fb but is still friends with lots of her family etc. I was told by a mutual friend of the 3 of us that he was still commenting/reacting to her posts. I had a sneak around her fb and he was. As they weren’t friends I knew he had to be purposely looking her up.

we discussed this, he tried saying they were still friends etc but I know they weren’t because she used to appear in my ‘people you know’ list and he wasn’t listed as a mutual friend. He apologised and we never really got to the bottom of it but agreed to just move on. He has now blocked her

while this was going on I stupidly re-added a casual ex of mine on fb as a kind of ‘fuck you’ to him. He sent me a message, just all friendly asking how I was and I replied. Only chatted about day to day stuff.

DP and I sorted our problems but then my ex sent me a few messages about how he missed me, how I used to brighten his day etc. He did this several times so I’ve now unfriended him again but I’m worried he will keep messaging.

if my DP happens to see a message he will think I’ve been playing around behind his back so do I come clean or just forget about it and hope ex doesn’t message again?

OP posts:
solice84 · 06/09/2023 06:33

Why don't you send a very clear message to your ex that you are in no way interested and to leave you alone
Job done on your part

ALittleBitAhAh · 06/09/2023 06:39

Agree with the above poster. Also, depending on privacy settings you wouldn't always see who your DP's friend list.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 06/09/2023 06:45

YOu can block someone on messenger too and set your settings to only friends being able to message you.

Sidslaw · 06/09/2023 06:48

Maybe you need to come off facebook?

PillowMist · 06/09/2023 06:49

Thanks guys. The guilt is eating me up too but I don’t want to hurt him just to make myself feel better

I’m not sure if ex still has my number so could technically still contact me. I don’t have his number any more so can’t block him on WhatsApp or text 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
CassiniG · 06/09/2023 07:55

Stop playing games and just block the ex.

baileys6904 · 06/09/2023 08:09

As PP, it depends on their settings whether u see mutual friends

You either trust him or not. If you do, stop fucking around playing games. If you don't, split up.

Life's too short for making each other miserable

Watchkeys · 06/09/2023 08:13

If the trust in your relationship is threatened by messages on Facebook, you don't have enough trust to have a relationship.

If things were healthy, and your partner saw the messages, he might ask if there was anything for him to worry about, then you'd say no, and that would be the end of it.

Daffodil18 · 06/09/2023 09:28

You haven’t done anything wrong as you have deleted him once he crossed the boundary. I would just block him and move on.

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