Very much lost

[lostmumma]

There is a long and complex history to this thread, so I'll keep it brief: 2 year ago my best bud told me she was leaving the country. & left. She kept this quiet from her family and me. I felt hurt but shite happens.
Last year my DP had a fling with his so called mate, which deeply hurt me as I thought we were based on solid ground.
It was on the same pain level as when my ex got slightly too scary for us to work, to the point of locking myself away.

I don't want to be the one to ruin all our lives, but I just don't know where to go.
I've always had feelings for her, but made my choice long ago and accepted it.
Now I'm not so sure I made right choice: If DP can have a fling once, whats to stop it again?

I had something within friendship with best bud I've never had before, and not since.

Oh woe is me, confused and tired. . .

I don't understand, your best friend left the country? Can you still not be best friends?

Did you have feelings for your friend?

It reads to me as though your DP had an affair and you are regretting that you didn't act upon your feelings for your friend and now you feel as though you have missed the boat.

Do correct me if I am wrong.

RE: fairyfly: yes, she left the country.
No, not really as she mentioned in passing she didn't know where our friendship was heading. That to me was vague, but stranger things have happened between us.

I would love nowt else than to see her again, but chance would be a fine thing now.

RE: bookwormmum: Honestly, yes, there was a point where my crush developed into love for her, but I was always too scared to tell.
I missed my only chance before meeting DP to tell her so left it. I was over the moon when we became best buds.

Have I ever missed the damn boat.

Question is where do I go from here with DP?

I've just come across a picture of my so called best bud, and I realised I'm still in love with her, but it hurts to admitt that. It's even more painful as things are not so good with my DP, and I don't know if we are going to survive with anything worth fighting for.

Probably a good thing I deleted her e mail addy out of anger when I did...or think of what I could be sending her.

Truth be told I don't reckon I'd be having any of these thoughts if my DP hadn't broken my trust in him. Damn that tart that started this. Pondering ...

I'm going to take the leap. It's not impossible for me to find her, and when I do, I shall tell all. The window for us to be together has long since past, but for old times sake, and to be true to myself, I will tell her of my true feelings and be quite prepared for rejection.

This has been a long time in the making, but I'm ready.
Thanks...

How are you getting on? Big leap?

oh hell yeah, big is not the word...I've made a start. This is gona be one long road, but the memory of what I shared with her makes it worth while - how badly am I looking through rose tinted glasses?

DP knows nothing, can only deal with one crisis at a time.

did it. ive tracked her down, wasnt that hard, she moved again.

how the hell do you start this conversation? hi, remember me and our past? fancy getting together as a couple, like we shouldve done a long time ago had i not been so bloody scared?!

omg

did it. ive tracked her down, wasnt that hard, she moved again.

how the hell do you start this conversation? hi, remember me and our past? fancy getting together as a couple, like we shouldve done a long time ago had i not been so bloody scared?!

omg

did it. ive tracked her down, wasnt that hard, she moved again.

how the hell do you start this conversation? hi, remember me and our past? fancy getting together as a couple, like we shouldve done a long time ago had i not been so bloody scared?!

omg

(SORRY BOUT THE LAST POSTING< HAD PROBLEMS WITH CONNECTION AND ENDED UP WITH 3...)