I didn't set out to not call my mother today...

[llareggub]

...but it is now 8.50pm and I haven't called.

We have an odd relationship. My mother drinks a lot and is difficult to talk to on the phone in evening. My parents split up a few years ago and she decided that I had taken my father's side. I didn't take his side at all, but she refused to see that.

I live 150 miles away from her and I don't miss her at all. Before I moved here we lived in the same city and she visited my flat three times in 5 years. She comes here every three or four months. Last time she came she brought alcohol, despite knowing that my husband is a recovering alcoholic.

When my son was 2 weeks old my husband told me he was an alcoholic and things rather fell apart. I struggled to look after my son and help my husband. I got bugger all from my mother. In fact, when I tackled her on the booze issue a few weeks ago she told me that she thought I was over-reacting with regard to my husband's alcoholism. I'm not. He goes to AA a few times a week and has done really well.

I sent her a card for Mothering Sunday but it took me a while to send a card with the right message. I didn't want a gushing card. I didn't really want to send one. So I chose one with a blank page inside and posted it.

I'm not sure what I want from her. A guess I'd like a mother who loves me like I love my son. Someone who shows love and interest in my life and that of my family.

I don't know why I'm posting this and I know if I call my mother now I'll get the silent treatment. I am tempted not to call at all.

IMO, the fact you are posting here shows that dispite what has happened she is still your mother and you still hope things may/could change.

I am not in your situation so I can't advise you from that point of view BUT I would call her, even though you think you know what may happen..you may be surprised.

Maybe your mum does love you like you love your son BUT can't show it..not everyone is maternal iykwim....

Its mothers day and life is to short. Wouldn't you want your son to call you on mothers day in 20+ years..? .

HTH and god luck x

Thanks Shhh

I did ring and I did get the cold shoulder. She can be quietly very aggressive and I get the brunt of it.

I never knew what a terrible relationship we had until I married my DH and saw what a family could be like. It was a real eye opener for me. I feel very sad but I don't think our relationship can be salvaged.

This will sound very materialistic but my mother doesn't even bother with birthdays and christmas presents for us. My lovely DS didn't get anything. I am not that bothered for me but for my son, I feel very sad that his grandmother cannot be bothered. Actually, none of my family can. My brother never sends anything for my son either. Not even a card on his birthday.

When I speak to my mother all I get are questions about when we are going to come and visit. Yet when we do visit (a three hour journey) she doesn't even offer us a meal, or a drink. Frequently we have had to make our own meals, make up our own beds etc. She then sits and reads the paper while we sit there, amazed at her hospitality.

Sorry. Ranting now.

sorry to hear the response was as expected . See thing is I can see that you see things differently as you have come out of that family and have your own family iykwim. The fact your db is similar to your mother shows this iykwim....

My family does things diffenrently to my dh's family (My parents go overboard woth gifts etc even for dh & I as well as the dk's) yet dh's family buy dh & I a little something and the dk's lots...Thats not to say either family is wrong..supoose its just what they have been brought up to believe iykwim.

You sound like you have a lovely family and are happy and tbh I would focus on that. Still buy gifts/cards etc for your mother and make the effort as it clears your conscience.(sp..)

Remember, you can choose your friends but not your family .
Things from your mums past (family etc) may make her as she is now and maybe she is jealous at your family.?

Again, im in no position to advise you BUT am trying to say how I would feel in your situation. Mum and I have a great relationship BUT thats not to say she doesn't drive me up the wall...Yeah sure I also get phone calls where I think why the feck did I bother or texts that I could gladly tell her to feck off but I suppose she is my mum and I think of how I would feel if roles were reversed with me and dd in 20 years time....

Glad you made the call............now treat yourself to a glass of wine or chocs..enjoy th remainder of mothers day.

This thread may help.