To think he’s cheated…

[xxmumof2]

Hi guys, regular lurker but never posted before.

I have 2 children, one son from a previous relationship who is 6 years old, and another son from my current relationship who has just turned 1.

I have been with my current partner for almost 3 years (it will be 3 years in February).

Over the last few days, I have been experiencing horrific pelvic pain, nausea, stomach pain, and feeling generally unwell. Before this, I have suffered from unusual vaginal discharge for quite some time.

I recently had a UTI (confirmed) so I thought that it had came back, as I had some pelvic pain with this. Nonetheless, it has gotten worse the last few days, so I went back to my GP yesterday.

I explained my symptoms to her including the discharge. She asked me to do a pregnancy test there (which came back negative). I had high heart rate and blood pressure on the first test but these went down after re checking. I did another urine sample and she also did two vaginal swabs for infections. She expressed her concerns and said I may have to go into hospital for the antibiotics drip, but after discussing with another doctor who knows me, they agreed I could be given an oral antibiotic prescription and be managed at home, but to be vigilant of sepsis (I have had this before following pregnancy complications with child 2).

She told me that she was going to treat me for BV and suspected a vaginal infection. I am aware BV cannot be passed on to us by men. However, she said it is also possible it could be an STD. I have to wait for test results to come back, but have received bacterial vaginal antibiotics for now, and these would be changed to appropriate antibiotics should it come back with a different infection.

I had a STD test before getting with my current partner as I had abnormal vaginal bleeding. These were all clear and the reason was something else.

My partner has not had a test done since the last person he slept with before our relationship started.

My concern is, the GP has asked me if it’s possible my partner has been unfaithful, and told me it’s highly unlikely for STD symtpoms to suddenly appear almost 3 years later (if this was an infection from the person he had slept with before) ie insinuating that he has cheated.

I asked my partner if he has cheated on me and he swears blind he hasn’t. He never goes out and doesn’t drink. He’s always either at home, or at work. He had a porn addiction which I uncovered during my pregnancy, which caused us a lot of issues but we have moved on since then, and I haven’t found any porn since.

It’s not confirmed as of yet if my infection is bacterial, or if it’s an STD, but I am obviously upset and questioning things until the proper results come in.

I don’t know what I want from this post, but I was wondering if everyone thinks that cheating is a possibility. His phone has no password on it and he leaves it lying around. I have checked his phone on numerous occasions due to the porn addiction, but haven’t found anything, including no text or social media messages from other women.

If my results come back as an STD, am I right in suspecting he has cheated, or could this be an infection he’s carried since before the relationship? (FYI, I haven’t slept with anyone since our relationship - I am always at home with the children, so it would be pretty impossible anyway - my youngest screams whenever I put him down!)

Sincerely,

a very worried mumsnetter

[Hecate01]

If I was you I'd wait to see what your test results are before jumping to conclusions.

You sound unwell and should be getting rest and all this stress from worrying isn't going to help you recover.

If he has no passcode on his phone and doesn't hide it I would take that as a good sign and surely he'd have some symptoms if he had contracted an STI as well?

[xxmumof2]

Thank you for your response. I know worrying about it won’t help me to get better but I do have severe anxiety disorder (which I’m being medicated for) so I can’t help but run away with my thoughts. He told me that he has felt no symptoms of an STI (he has not been feeling unwell and does not have any problems “down there”) so I hope 🤞 he is telling me the truth.

[Epidote]

Wait for the results. You will have time to think after. Don't over worry about why you got what you got now. Once is diagnosed you will have time. Focus on get rest and get well now.

[TheCatterall]

Your GP is rather (very!) uneducated on stis it would appear. They can be for any for many many years. Sometimes you don’t even know you have gone until something crops up with you or a partner. :/

https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/sexual-health/how-soon-do-sti-symptoms-appear/#:~:text=It%20depends%20on%20which%20sexually,know%20you%20have%20an%20STI.

years and decades of dormancy in some folks.

[xxmumof2]

I did think it could lay dormant, however she told me it can’t for 3 whole years…

[TheCatterall]

@xxmumof2

I did think it could lay dormant, however she told me it can’t for 3 whole years…

And yet the NHS website contradicts her. As will several sexual health websites and services.

She has general knowledge. But she’s no expert and the websites are saying she is wrong.

[SameToo]

Herpes can lay dormant for years! She’s wrong.

[xxmumof2]

she said more along the lines of Chlymidia/Gonnorhea is what it would be (sorry I can’t spell them😂) than herpes.

[Didimum]

You need to hold fire until you get your test results. I’ve been tested for STDs twice in the last four years due to two bouts of various symptoms. Not once did I think DH had cheated - the GP was just covering all bases and ruling out what needed to be. Do you have issues with anxiety? Do you otherwise feel secure in your relationship?

[Anastasia2]

Hi what happened with this? Experiencing similar symptomps. Please let us know if you ended up positive for anything