I'm stuck with him

[Stawby]

He's not a bad guy but I know we're not right together really. We have a laugh and he's kind. When we met years ago, he talked about how he'd like to get married. More than a decade and a child later and he's never asked me - he has no strong convictions whatsoever. He just follows me through life.

I said yesterday I wasn't happy and was looking at the financial implications of us splitting up. He was angry, told me it was over and then apologised later. He asked for another chance. I didn't really say anything. We spent the evening as if nothing had happened, him making me laugh and being nice to me, genuinely interested in how my day was.

It is an exhausting cycle and its all because I'm too scared to leave. It would be heartbreaking for us and our families and all the upheaval and difficulty would be all my fault.

I feel so confused and trapped.

So basically it doesn't feel 'bad enough', so you can't justify why you'd want to leave, and then you'd be the bad guy?

Break ups are always difficult but they can happen amicably, with a remaining friendship and Co parenting in place. Infact I went to a wedding at the weekend where the brides sister and her newly divorced husband were there with their son. Its all very civil, they still holiday together, no major breakdowns, just went their seperate ways.

You are only trapped by yourself. Get your ducks in a row even if you end up staying, because you’ve tipped him off now.

Your life isn't a sacrifice at the alter of relationships. If you aren't happy then split.

If you are happy but want to get married ask yourself why?

Is it for legal and financial protection? This is a good reason if you've given up work to take care of a kid.

If you are financially independent what's the reason for marriage?

Not good enough to stay, but not bad enough to leave.... a hard place to be.

Ignoring him and his reaction, what do YOU want? Work it out for yourself. Because at the end of the day it's your life, and you only get to live it once.

Then work out what it would take for you to get what you want. If it's leaving him, then what is it you need to change. If you don't earn enough, what can you do to change that? Do you have a support system in place? If not, work on it. Cultivate friendships that are your own, that you don't risk losing if you leave him. If you need to change jobs to make it more child friendly, do that.

Looking at schools and childcare - how can you make it work? Does your school have before and after school care? What are the costs and is there a waiting list to get in? Are there childminders if no out of hours school care?

Sometimes addressing these things will help you deal with the fear of breaking up. The unknown is scary, work on making it known and it is easier to find the courage to do what needs to be done.

If you decide to give it another go, what reds to change? Would counselling help? What are your lines in the sand?

It would be heartbreaking for us and our families and all the upheaval and difficulty would be all my fault.

I disagree it would be heartbreaking for the family - a bit disappointing but I think other people will have no problem moving on. Don't use that as a reason to stay.