Handholding please, I’m absolutely broken

[DWSDB]

I’m absolutely broken. I’m currently writing this at 7am with no sleep crying my eyes out. 6 months pregnant. I’m sorry if this is rambling I have nobody to talk to. I am away with my family and child who are all really upset with me and him because we have argued. I can’t count how many times I have been left in pieces whilst he’s told me I’ve done it to myself, I’ve literally hyperventilated to the point of being sick tonight and it’s still not enough to get him to wake up and see what he’s doing to me.

My soon to be ex partner is laying in bed sleeping soundly after another argument which has led to me sobbing and pleading and him shutting me down, stepping over me whilst I’m crying

He said we’re incompatible, which is true. How can we be compatible when this is what happens at any point of conflict. The conflict was over nothing, I don’t even think it was my fault but I even apologised and said let’s be normal and he still couldn’t snap out of it and call me names… I know it needs to be over now. Especially when it’s affected my family and my poor son. I know it’ll affect my baby also.

it just hurts so much, literally hours ago we were planning baby names and visits away and now I just know I can’t go on. The problem is I just love him so much but I think I’m being emotionally abused and I know it won’t change.

He upset me so much tonight we were in a taxi back and I asked it to pull over so I could walk home and have some space and he’s followed me and yelled at me and wouldn’t let me be on my own to just collect myself but won’t show me any compassion in these moments where I’m in so much pain.

I wrote on here a few days ago too. Why can’t I just let him go.

I’ve got to pull it together now for my little boy on his last day of his holiday and fly home with this man who’s broken my heart into pieces and threatened our relationship at the drop of a hat. 2 kids to 2 different dads… what am I going to do. Who will want me now.

Not sure how this one has come back up but to @Starlight1979

The argument started because I was moaning to my mum about how long our food was taking because I was exhausted and hungry and we had waited for food for an hour and a half. My partner at the time was very drunk and told me off for being an ‘impatient nobhead’ and when I said don’t speak to me like that he told me to fuck off in front of my parents.

My ‘classic manipulative behaviour’ is just being at the end of my tether and desperation for the argument to end and utter chaos that was going through my head that I would have to end the relationship.

I got out of the taxi because he was telling me what an awful person I was and that I was mental. We were five minutes from where we were staying, I know the neighbours well.

Yeah probably was a daft thing to say but if you read it all you will see I said that but did not, at the time, want to be raising two children alone and feel alone. I wasn’t thinking about my ‘next bloke’ I wanted mine to be better. But you’ll be happy to know, after I calmed down and got myself together, I didnt want a next bloke and both my children are very happy, loved supported and looked after.

I apologise that it probably doesn’t come off as the best version of me, however, being emotional and pregnant and walking on eggshells would do that to a person. When we returned we split until we went through councilling and discussed the ins and outs. New boundaries were put in place as I did not want my kids raised in an environment where this happens. We haven’t argued like that since, although I do cry when I am frustrated. It’s not manipulation it’s one of a few human responses and unfortunately crying is mine 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP stop thinking who will want me now, sorry but your priorities are way off.
Your kids need and want you.
get rid of your partner and do not go looking for another. You need to devote time to yourself and DCs

Thank you for responses - this was in September last year - was very upset when writing this and was worried that I wouldn’t have the family I worked so hard for. Silly thing to say, would never of gone looking for someone so quickly as would have been selfish and stupid. Thing have drastically improved with help of councillor. Children are 100% happy, loved and supported. Thank you.

That's wonderful news OP.
My gut reaction to your OP was 'very high pregnancy hormones -v- holiday drinking' and that maybe some sort of counselling to improve your self-esteem and communication skills would be highly beneficial.
Congratulations on the new baby!

Thank you💕 @CrunchingNumbers. She’s absolutely perfect.

A few months after I did this post my mum died suddenly and my OH was so good and supportive. Put things very much into perspective x

I'm so sorry to hear that OP.
Hopefully she got to see you and your OH work through your issues and meet her DGD 🤞🤞

She did💕 she adored our baby. My OH was a pole bearer xx