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Original poster

Is this really a big deal? wwyd?

23 replies

ohlordyllord · 04/09/2023 23:48

I feel guilty writing this.

I met a really lovely man two months ago after being single for about 6 years since separating /divorcing.

Single by choice, not going to settle for the sake of it etc. kissed a few frogs and I've finally met someone who I really like, massive connection, just wonderful.

BUT there's a bit of an issue in the bedroom. He's very attentive and considerate but he doesn't keep an erection for long.

I feel so bad talking about it, I haven't said anything to him as I'm not sure what to say.

Sex is important to me in a relationship. I need the connection. I don't know what to do. he could take viagra I suppose but does it increase blood pressure? That worries me.

Is it a deal breaker. He's perfect in every other way.

wwyd?

OP posts:
Malapataraso · 05/09/2023 00:15

Are you asking if you should break up because you don’t know how to bring up the subject with him?

Next time you’re getting busy and he goes limp, pull out a strap-on for him, or whatever he needs to replace his noodle with that would make you happy and keep the fun going.

That’s all you need to do. You don’t need to talk about it first and make it weird. You don’t need to break up. Just break out the dildo when he loses his rod.

He will be happy you have a hot as hell solution on hand, and he hasn’t just ruined the entire evening with his limp dick.

Pinkbonbon · 05/09/2023 00:22

It depends how good he is with other stuff.

It shouldn't be up to you to resolve his issues. Yes pp has a good suggestion above about toys but, I'd expect him to be making the effort to be more creative and giving in other ways.

I'm sure lots of men have issues in that area. But it's not an excuse for shit sex. If he isn't asking you how he can please you in other ways or taking initiative then THAT is a problem.

ReadySalty · 05/09/2023 01:21

@Malapataraso this made me laugh so much. I'm going to search Mumsnet for any other gems of advice you've given! 😂👌

Back in Vanilla land... you're going to have to talk to him Op.

RandomForest · 05/09/2023 01:52

ReadySalty · 05/09/2023 01:21

@Malapataraso this made me laugh so much. I'm going to search Mumsnet for any other gems of advice you've given! 😂👌

Back in Vanilla land... you're going to have to talk to him Op.

Same... good, no nonsence, solid practical advice. 😂

Specso · 05/09/2023 03:15

Yeah don’t make it weird..just pull out a strap on! Coz that wouldn’t be at all weird with no prior discussion

or

talk to him. In a careful, non judgemental way of course. How sensitive you’ll need to be depends on how bad it is. Is it just over a bit quick? Has it happened the odd time or is he frequently unable to have penetrative sex? Tread gently with the conversation depending how bad it is. Really he should be the one to raise it (pardon the pun) if it’s majorly affecting being able to DTD.

tt9 · 05/09/2023 03:44

yes @ohlordyllord do as @Malapataraso says. in fact why not just go whole hog and put on a gimp mask and jump out from behind a door for a real hot as hell solution

no need to discuss before hand. it's not going to freak him out at all

FatOaf · 05/09/2023 04:06

he could take viagra I suppose but does it increase blood pressure? That worries me.

No, it decreases blood pressure. It can cause fairly severe headaches, though, and a few other side-effects due to its vasodilator action (e.g. nasal congestion). It's unsafe to take if you have certain cardiovascular conditions.

HelpMeGetThrough · 05/09/2023 04:43

Malapataraso · 05/09/2023 00:15

Are you asking if you should break up because you don’t know how to bring up the subject with him?

Next time you’re getting busy and he goes limp, pull out a strap-on for him, or whatever he needs to replace his noodle with that would make you happy and keep the fun going.

That’s all you need to do. You don’t need to talk about it first and make it weird. You don’t need to break up. Just break out the dildo when he loses his rod.

He will be happy you have a hot as hell solution on hand, and he hasn’t just ruined the entire evening with his limp dick.

Just the kind of "hard" talking I like.

Frenchfancy · 05/09/2023 05:29

How old is he? It is a fairly common problem over 50 and little blue pills can work miracles and are nothing to be ashamed of.

Riapia · 05/09/2023 06:27

He sounds perfect in every other way.
Can’t you get a FWB in one night a week, just to top you up?

Wakemeup17 · 05/09/2023 08:54

Try a cockring.

cushioncovers · 05/09/2023 09:09

How long is not long op?

WaitTheNoo · 05/09/2023 09:18

Malapataraso · 05/09/2023 00:15

Are you asking if you should break up because you don’t know how to bring up the subject with him?

Next time you’re getting busy and he goes limp, pull out a strap-on for him, or whatever he needs to replace his noodle with that would make you happy and keep the fun going.

That’s all you need to do. You don’t need to talk about it first and make it weird. You don’t need to break up. Just break out the dildo when he loses his rod.

He will be happy you have a hot as hell solution on hand, and he hasn’t just ruined the entire evening with his limp dick.

Sorry but imagine you got so wet during sex that your partner wasn't feeling much and he just whipped out a fleshlight, completely unannounced, and told you to crack on and keep going with that 😂 I mean what the fuck 😂

Just talk to him.

Kyovashad · 05/09/2023 09:26

Malapataraso · 05/09/2023 00:15

Are you asking if you should break up because you don’t know how to bring up the subject with him?

Next time you’re getting busy and he goes limp, pull out a strap-on for him, or whatever he needs to replace his noodle with that would make you happy and keep the fun going.

That’s all you need to do. You don’t need to talk about it first and make it weird. You don’t need to break up. Just break out the dildo when he loses his rod.

He will be happy you have a hot as hell solution on hand, and he hasn’t just ruined the entire evening with his limp dick.

Noodle 😂😂 I needed this laugh this morning!

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2023 09:31

If you can't talk to him about this, your relationship isn't as strong as you think.

WandaWomblesaurus · 05/09/2023 09:33

Wait, why a strap on? So he's got to wear the strap on as well as his penis? Why not just a vibrator? I think I'd be scared if a guy had a strap on as a backup to his penis. Or are you supposed to wear the strap on and use it on him because his penis doesn't work?

TheGoodBanana · 05/09/2023 09:54

Oh god I wasn't expecting to laugh at this thread. Pop out from behind the door indeed.

OP it really depends how bad it is, he should be spending lots of time on other foreplay if he knows he has erecting issues and then just go for it at the end.

Just have a chat about it, there are lots of solutions you could have fun trying but you really do need a conversation about it.

Original poster
ohlordyllord · 05/09/2023 09:58

Thanks for your messages. I think he might be offended by the strap on suggestion GrinGrin

We've only been dating 2 months and due to holidays and children we've only been intimate 3 times.

He does get an erection for about 1 to 2 mins. I will talk to him , but I think he's conscious and I don't want him to feel worse.

There are options - I like the cock ring suggestion and he could always speak with the DR. Perhaps he just doesn't fancy me Shock or perhaps we just need to get to know each other better.

I won't finish with him because I'm pretty smitten regardless.

Just after a crappy marriage and hating sex, I've now discovered i do quite like it Smile

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 05/09/2023 10:03

I don't suffer from that problem in general but there can be times where if you are anxious, uncomfortable or got things on your mind it can fade, even though you want to and it's difficult focusing to bring it back.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2023 10:09

I agree that with communication and a dildo this issue is fixable

but he needs to own it , and not get all weird about it

I also think slowing things down and some tantric stuff might help x 2

Zanatdy · 05/09/2023 10:12

This is the 3rd ridiculous message I’ve seen from this poster in 24hrs. Clearly bored

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/09/2023 12:29

If you've only had sex 3 times it could easily be nerves. Also does it happen immediately after putting on the condom? I find guys who are out of LTRs where they didn't wear condoms can find the change of sensation when it goes on a bit weird and temporarily lose their erection. If this is the case for him, practise will make things better - he can try wanking with a condom on so he gets used to it.

Frenchfancy · 05/09/2023 13:21

Another thought for you, are you only getting intimate after a few drinks? If so try doing it sober. It can make a big difference.

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