Ending relationship with father of my child…

[JustALostMama]

I have fallen out of love with the father of my child, we were friends for years before we got into our relationship & we had DD quite soon after we got together. As time has gone on, the spark has completely gone - there’s no sexual chemistry (on my side), no attraction, just total friendship vibes.

I’ve always said to myself that I want my DD to grow up to see what real love looked like as I never did growing up & has affected me with my own love life.

He’s a good man, helps around the house, helps with DD, my family adore him, but I feel like I’m forcing myself to be with him for the sake of DD & because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

I’ve sat him down and told him that I’d like to go on a bit of a break but it’s gone in one ear and out of the other.

I’m absolutely miserable in this relationship & not sure whether I’m asking for advice by writing this or just venting. But I need to get it off my chest.

Marriage counseling? If not to save the marriage, maybe to help you tell him how you’re feeling and to help him hear it.

How old is your DD? Not that your feelings aren’t valid, simply that having young kids can well and truly put a damper on things. My DH and I are in that phase too - but we’re hoping that it’s just that, a phase. We’re a great team and we’re good friends, and we’re hoping the passion will come back when we’re less sleep deprived and constantly wiping up random crumbs and sticky messes. Or maybe passion was a thing for our twenties… Who knows. But we’re still committed to each other and I think that our respect and kindness towards each other, even when we don’t feel madly in love, is also a good model for our DCs. That’s what I tell myself, anyway!

This is typical of having one thing and wanting another. If you were with a typical "Bad Boy" then you'd want someone like your husband, and probably only then would you appreciate him. Go and find a bad boy, then reflect on what you had.

I’ve always said to myself that I want my DD to grow up to see what real love looked like as I never did growing up & has affected me with my own love life.

Leaving him is no guarantee of 'true love'. And even if you do find someone, moving them in soon is a terrible idea. So a few years will pass with no 'true love' example anyway. That's no reason to leave.

You not being happy, not wanting him, whatever, is a reason. Don't make your child the reason.

Are you married? What’s the housing situation? Ignore what your family say, this is your life, you don’t want to spend it with someone you don’t love .

Exactly she should be grateful. To give up a good man, just to meet "loser" step dad after "loser" step dad to introduce to your child is so selfish it's disgusting! No stranger can love your child like their own father. You are literally living in la la land!

Leaving him is no guarantee of happiness, plus your depriving your child of living in a family unit.

When my kids were tiny I heard Carly Simon's "Coming around again" (old song from the seventies I think) on the radio and it stopped me in my tracks. "I believe in love... I know nothing stays the same, but if you're willing to play the game, it'll be coming around again". It perfectly describes life with small kids and that stage in a marriage/relationship (my sister used to say it was like running a very small nursery with someone you used to date!) but it was true for me, just like this poster describes. I'd wait it out!

I'm glad you posted this OP because I've been feeling exactly the same about my DP. I was going to write a very similar post. I haven't mentioned to him about a break yet but I have told him I'm not feeling the same as I used to.

Lots of the comments on here are worrying. Why should you stay with a man you don't want to be with? Why should you be 'grateful' like someone else said? Who knows if you'll meet 'loser' step dads or your soulmate? My DP is a fabulous dad, does (some) work around the house, is very loving, but the spark isn't there and I just don't feel like he's what I want anymore. Friend vibes for me, too.

It's your life and if you're unhappy you've just got to do what's right for you.