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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Scared of a break up

2 replies

Checkedblanke · 04/09/2023 16:34

I think I want to leave my partner. We have been together since we were 17 and I can't imagine what life would be like without him.

We have a 3 Y/O DS and this is the first time since he was born I've felt the compulsion to leave. Before he was born, I probably almost left about 5 times over a 10 year period. Usually the same reasons - he's a very shy, quiet, unambitious person scared of making decisions and has let me completely run our lives.

When I've been in this position before, I chicken out. He promises to change and I accept that things don't seem quite bad enough to turn my life upside down and start over. I've found these near breakups completely traumatic and after a while of considering a life on my own, I get lured into the comfort and familiarity of my partner.

It's not miserable and I could carry on like this but ultimately, I don't believe he is right for me. I think popular culture dictates that this is reason alone to leave but realistically I'm not sure.

I guess I'm asking for different perspectives. Has anyone left a mediocre relationship and come out stronger? Has anyone stuck at it and are glad they did? Or will someone just tell me it will be ok - I feel so alone.

Quite often at work today it crossed my mind and I just wanted to cry. We've had a couple of blow ups this week that don't feel particularly resolved. It seems so crazy that he's just messaged me telling me what time he'll be home from work as though everything is normal when it doesn't feel normal to me at all. It feels like we're on the verge of splitting up after over 13 years and that's scary.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 04/09/2023 16:36

You don’t need a reason to end it. And don’t waste your life on someone because you’re scared to leave. Be brave and do what YOU want.

HopeFloatsAbove · 04/09/2023 17:33

Oh OP that sounds like a tough one.
I once was this person who never initiated anything, just floated along with my ex, until I lost him. And I am so glad he let me go because I had so much growing up to do. We did have a 1 year old DD back then, but I am always grateful that we kind of ended things amicably in end.

It was really hard becasue I was so in love still.

You cannot carry another human through life, its not your job, even if you have a child together.

Dont feel guilty, you can only do so much. Best of everything

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