Asking partner for petrol money

[elephanbee]

My partner and I don't share finances,but we pay half of all bills. He payed more years ago when My wages were lower.

I will work out half of everything, including bus fayre and school meals for DC. I gave DC extra money to socialise with and factored this into payment. It was paid,but questioned as it was something he didn't previously agree to.

I buy the majority of DC essentials, he will buy bits as needed

I pay for the bulk of the shopping and house things need (we go together and there are 2 separate transactions)

I buy birthday/Xmas presents (he will sometimes buy his own bits and pieces to give to DC, but majority is from me

He pays for the majority of holidays with hostels/hotels etc.
He doesn't drive,so I will do all the driving to places

I will organise and pay for some trips/ experiences, generally more expensive accommodation etc.

He rarely asks me for a lift if he is going somewhere local. There is an event that he wanted to go to over the weekend. Public transport was expensive so I drove. It wasn't something I would have done without him,but had a good time.

I had an unexpected charge going to the place, so spent around £45 altogether.
I asked if it would be okay if he paid half on this occasion. He and DC were both quite shocked that I would ask, and mentioned that he pays for holidays.
When I mentioned £45, he replied 'that's a very specific amount' and that he would pay for all of it. I repeated it was only half that I asked for, but there was an atmosphere after this.

I'm not a tight person,but maybe it seems I am (if I am, I'm happy (is) to be told :)

Like most other people, I just think it is such a bizarre way to do your finances when you are a family with dc ..... keeping track and "billing" the other one for half of everything is just odd.

You need to put aside an afternoon or evening and work out what you think is fair in terms of paying out for what, and then have a joint account.

Personally, I think the only fair way is for all income (both wages, plus child benefit, any other benefits or savings income) to go in to one pot, and then each of you have your own "spending money" per month (the same amount each) to do with as you want, but there are other ways people do it.
But it is absolutely bonkers to be splitting the amount in two every time one of you buys something.

He will buy what he fancies and makes food for DC, I would say I pay the bulk though..we don't split absolutely everything..if one of us buys a trip or a meal..I do seem to spend more on household/dc things..I do agree it is a strange set up!

Each to their own but I couldn't live like this. We both pay what we needs paying when it needs paying. Forever sending money between each other to cover things that are unexpected. He earns more than I do but the money is ours, the house is ours, the kids are ours even if some of them aren't.

This sounds utterly exhausting!

This sounds so wearying, and very unfair. The car isn’t just yours - his child/ran and him both gain from it. I take it you use it to bring groceries home, trips to doctor/dentist etc? Clothing and feeding the children should come from both parents, not one doing the majority and one doing treaty bits. Who buys toilet cleaner? Bog rolls? Paracetamol? Butter? Who chooses which bits? It feels like he gains from your set up, and your child is starting to think you grabby due to watching the father’s attitudes which is unacceptable. You really should change this set up.

You are right re child's perspectives..he does buy the bulk of holidays etc..I would say I buy majority of things like bog roll butter etc..if we have ran out of everything he might nip out and get it,but majority is on me

I do not understand how you can be proper partners if you don't completely share finances, especially if you have children. To me, that's not a family, it's some kind of cohabitating group of independent people with some shared dependants. Pool everything and you'll find it goes a lot further.

Joint account for all incomes to go into, credit card to pay for stuff and it all gets paid off each month from the joint account. Split the balance at the end of the month 3 ways, a third to savings and a third each.

Do you get as much say in the fun things like holidays that he pays for?
Or does he get more say in the fun things and you are left with loo roll choices?

Seems a bit odd asking for £45.