That feeling in your stomach when you know

[Whatintheworldgirl]

I've barely slept. In all honesty I probably took too many of my medications last night just to try and sleep. (Diazepam, cyclizine)

You know that feeling when you've had really bad news? Like your stomachs dropped but you feel you could throw up, your chest is aching but it feels like you're holding your breath? I've had that now for the last 18 hours. It physically hurts!

My partner is an alcoholic. I know it, his family knows it, he doesn't. He woke up in a toilet somewhere late last night and apparently walked home. I hadn't heard from him all day. He didn't reply to messages, he just showed up completely smashed. Couldn't open the door. Managed to make himself a packet of microwave rice and get some of it on his plate before he took it to bed with him. I had placed my engagement ring on the side, 1) out of frustration and 2) because I'm a jeweller and I know hand creams mess it up (so when I moisturise at night I tend to take it off)
He picked my ring up and threw it at me, saying I should be wearing it and there's no excuse.

I hate him when he's drunk. I don't recognise him when he's drunk. I'm so unhappy I can feel my body literally rejecting the thoughts of him. I'm in the sitting room while he's still passed out in bed. I feel so sick to my core that I can't move! Maybe this is the time I choose to accept, sometimes love isn't enough? Sometimes we have to love ourselves more and leave 😭

@thesugarbumfairy I feel for you. I don't think anyone would blame you for leaving him to it. He is choosing to be like this, or to not seek help. Staying will surely just facilitate him to carry on as he is?

@Whatintheworldgirl do you have a close friend or relative who could come along and either he/she can tell him to get lost or at least be there while you do?

alternatively, just pack your things and leave yourself. is it your place or his?

I have been in a similar situation. I was mid-20s and not equipped (maturity/life experience-wise) to know what to do about it. Thinking back now with my 40-year old knowledge, I wonder how I did not leave after finding him asleep outside our flat when I woke up one morning panicked that he hadn't returned home from his night out. I was ringing around people when I opened the front door, and there he was curled up in the communal hallway asleep in his own pee. That was bad enough, but the main issue was that he didn't see a problem with it. Over the next year he pee'd on both ends of the sofa, and a bed in my Mums house. Every time he went out I wondered if he'd make it back home or end up in the gutter (which he did once). I look back now and just think WTAF was I doing?!!

He eventually told me that he was an alcoholic, that he drank every day, even at work. He would find a way to have alcohol every day, and I did not realise things were that bad. But at no point did he say he wanted to stop doing it. He seemed to like it and had no intention of stopping.

His reasons for his drinking were military PTSD-related, and if I had lived his life I probably would be an alcoholic too. But I wouldn't expect anyone else to live with me being an alcoholic. At the end of the day, I couldn't help someone who really didn't want to be helped, and I was completely out of my depth. So it ended and I found somewhere else to live. It was tough, but you don't have to tolerate someone making your life intolerable.

I really feel for you, I am currently going through the same kind of situation. I asked my husband to leave in may which he did as I couldn't take it anymore but after him been out a week. I missed him so much and we agreed to work things out. The other day I told him I can no longer do this as his drinking has got worse since he moved out. He has promised me he would get help and has been to see a counsellor twice. He only goes if I drive him to the door. He messages me everyday all the I love you crap and asking for money constantly which I stupidly give him as he has no food in his house but it will get spent going on drink. This last week since I said to him I can no longer do this I have been in a terrible state crying all the time not wanting to leave the house unless I need to. Grief the loss of my marriage and yesterday I drove past him, he was in the pub with his pals. Made me realise am wasting my life on this man, he doesn't care for me.

This! You are putting yourself through hell waiting to have a conversation which you know from experience will change nothing. Action is needed, you need to look after yourself first and get somewhere safe

you don't need to have a conversation right now with him. Just pack and leave, and worry about the details tomorrow and the next day.

I feel so sad reading your post - I really wish I could give you a hug…. As for advice - I totally agree with everyone on here… alcoholism ruins lives and you really need to think of yourself… However, I also think it may be worth a shot at helping him to sort himself
out… It may not work of course… I totally understand that… but it might… A friend of mine staged an intervention for her alcoholic husband… his wife, teenage children, parents, siblings, close friends and close work colleagues all got together… husband wasn’t told about the gathering… just found himself in a room surrounded by everyone who
loves him and works with him… They took it in turns to tell him what he means to them, and also the effect that his drinking has on them, and the consequences if he didn’t stop… (loss of entire family, home and job…). The whole family clubbed together to afford rehab for him… a rep had come from the rehab center, and he was persuaded to go straight to rehab from the room… it wasn’t easy.. he was very cross and hurt.. but after rehab, he returned home teetotal, and had done lots of work on his reasons for drinking and the consequences - he has remained teetotal ever since (many years now..). I know that some people have such a terrible battle with alcohol that they can relapse, relapse, relapse… but there are also lots of recovering alcoholics out there. If you can’t manage an intervention, I agree with everyone on here saying you need to leave him… so, so hard with someone you love… but he will need to find his rock bottom and there is absolutely no need for you to go there with him…

You already know the answer to your question, honey!! Life with a drinker is pretty shitty. I know. I lived it for years. The guilt the shame the pity. They only become more pathetic unless they want the change. YOU, cannot do anything, anything at all about it. So.......... ❤

God god, please, please just leave him. You may find you don't need diazepam and cyclizine once you are free of the hell of living with an alcoholic.

Please OP do not stay with him. He will drag you down and destroy you and your family.

He needs to kick the habit himself and there is nothing you can do to help him. Move on with your life and leave him.

please do it now before he physically and mentally destroys you.

Leave. It will never get better.