Rebuilding trust

[Plaw]

Found out last year that my DH was a gambling addict. He claims he's been clean since that day I found out but I cannot find it in me to trust him as far as I can throw him and it's getting hard to pretend all is ok.

Hoping to speak to someone who has gone through this that can help me.

No good with advice today, but bumping this for you

Thank you @NotAgainBrian
Lots of new threads so I understand.

Not gambling but porn addiction/compulsion. The lieing, the betrayal. Both are addictions/compulsions. He said he would never use again, but lied constantly. Theres no way of knowing really if hes fibbing because its not healthy for you to be monitoring his online use or wherever he gambles. You could limit his spending money, make sure you pay the bills etc, but tbh thats not fair on you...it depends what you can put up with. Only solution is limiting his money and he has minimal spendies. X

Sorry to hear what you've been through @Loubelle70 it really is the betrayal that's so hard to get past. I did take control of the finances when I found out first (6months ago) but gone more relaxed with it now. I watch everything and handle bills and so on. Makes me feel like his mother!

Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I have good and bad days but the bad ones can be really bad, I almost feel guilty not trusting him which is ridiculous!

I don't envy you plaw ♥️. I had to put a porn block in house because grandson was using laptops etc, i didn't want him to come across any visited sites, hes young...and also because its my house and theres none allowed . No different to your OH gambling, theres gambling apps that stop anyone using online but if theyre struggling theyll just get round it somehow, and absolutely youre not his mum, you shouldn't be constantly monitoring, it doesnt help build trust really, you just think, would he still use if i didn't put up a block lol..so then that replaces the initial issue for another ugh. I think its just the obvious really, if you want to stay with him and love him to set the boundaries with him, because he must love you to be monitored so, just say im not going to be worried about it anymore, i need to relax but if i find out youve gambled our money away again, i will leave you. Xx