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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

What’s going on ?

5 replies

Lana44 · 03/09/2023 19:46

So I met someone a few weeks ago. Spent some time together there was chemistry and I really like him.
He lives quite far away but we agreed to see each other again.
we text quite a lot but he says he’s overwhelmed at work so we haven’t been able to meet yet. He works as a chef so very long hours.
He keeps saying he wants to meet, he misses me etc but I don’t know if I should believe him.

OP posts:

Lampan · 03/09/2023 19:50

Number one rule in dating: if someone is really keen, they’ll do all they can to make it happen. This isn’t the case here. He’s breadcrumbing you while he keeps his options open.

Rtc12 · 03/09/2023 19:52

Hmm, my brother is a Chef and works really long shifts, plus every weekend, so he might be telling the truth

GreyCarpet · 04/09/2023 07:06

No one knows.

I have busy periods at work when I simply wouldn't have time to meet up regardless of how much I wanted to and regardless of how much I liked someone. And despite what anyone on MN says about 'making time' (on this or any other thread). I don't know what time alchemy other people can perform but 17 hour days with more work to do at home doesn't leave much time for anything else for about 12 weeks of the year. And no one would be seeing me at my best.

However, if the reality is that this is what he is saying at this stage and his work is always like that, then what sort of relationship would you have anyway?

If he's got absolutely no time at all during the week or at weekends, and he lives some distance away, then how would you have a relationship?

Alternatively, he does have some free time but he's choosing to spend it doing things he would like to do more than meeting up with you.

Either way, it's not looking good. Is it?

yellowsmileyface · 04/09/2023 12:31

Chefs do work long hours, plus there's the distance, so he could well be telling the truth.

However, presumably he's not planning to quit his job or move closer to you, so this is bound to continue being an issue throughout the relationship. Sounds like this isn't the relationship for you.

Pinkbonbon · 04/09/2023 14:26

He's met you once, ge doesn't 'miss you'.

And youd be wise to stop texting quite a lot with a man you've only met once.

Stop the texts until you've met again and can tell if it's viable.

Be careful of love bombers incase that's going on.

Flip