Comparing myself to the ow

[noselfworth]

My boyfriend left me for another women who is 10 years younger.
She's from Romania tanned slim long dark hair. Mid 20s.

I always felt my boyfriend was a bit out of my league looks wise but he always reassured me.

The break up came totally out of the blue and I was replaced by her in a matter of weeks and all I can put it down to is how she looks as we were in a great place or so I thought.

It's been 9 months since and I am still really upset despite counselling

I can't help but to constantly compare myself to her and feel worthless

I used to be so confident before all this

I am mid 30s I should know that there will always be someone prettier but it's really hit me hard

My ex literally cut me off and replaced me with a younger model it hurts so bad

I just want the old me back any tips of building self worth ?

your worth is not in how you look

it's all so temporary

@msmonstera I honestly feel like I have a form of ptsd from this I have had other break ups but this one I has broken me. I even having nightmares about them

It's a thing called post infidelity stress disorder; it's quite niche. See about some therapy if you're up for it. Cheaters should be set on fire.

If you have pisd then look at having EMDR therapy.

Use the book that I recommended above (it’s a quick read) and it tells you what to do exactly. Follow the exercises.

Try reading cheating in a nutshell too - it will explain how you are feeling and why.

He has done you a favour in the long run. If he values looks over anything then that is about him. Cheating is only about the cheater. It’s about integrity and self worth. Unless he discovers why he chooses to lie and break his own boundary then he’s a bad life partner - so you are well rid. Try reading about affairs (surviving infidelity and affair recovery websites are a good start). As is Not Just Friends. He’s poor value - not you. Loyalty, integrity and honesty are values most people want in a partner - focus on that as you demonstrated you had all three. Write them down (with examples) and add to your list.

You are collateral damage in a low value man’s shit storm. But sadly you now need to repair and heal yourself. Cheating has no positives BUT you can use it to realise who you are and why. So work on you. Anything you don’t understand about yourself. Read Gottmans work - understand relationships. Read Brene Brown to understand shame. I like mark mansons books and you tubes too. Take what you will, write down snippets in your notebook. Then continue to Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It but Ravikant. Cut them off social media. Tell friends not to mention them.

Today is a new day. Write your list of values, who you are, what makes you, you. Exercise daily and try and sit in the sun when you wake for 10 mins to help you sleep. Avoid alcohol. Write letters and journal entries and burn them if it helps (journaling will help). You need to get it out and get the positive in. Love yourself. Start today with determination.

@Grahambella hey thank you so much for the reply what is the book to follow for Edmr ?

It’s awful to go through. When I found out my ex had an affair I thought she must be gorgeous. However when I found out who it was I could not believe it. She’s older than me and is a bit frumpy. However I’ve always thought she was a really nice friendly person. I’m now more crushed thinking I’m a shit person on the inside. I could change my looks and weight but not my personality. It’s a real knock when someone has an affair and there is no timeframe for getting over this. Stay strong and you WILL get through this!

Emdr you need vía a counsellor.

I use one of those book synopsis apps (paid for) called Blinkist and I just listened to one this morning that I thought you would benefit from called ‘The Mastery of Love’.

The blink is very clear and concise about self love and not allowing an unsuitable person to dictate your worth.

Read enough positive stuff and change the tracks in your brain about yourself. Honestly today is a sunny new day - go have fun. Put on a good tune from a happy time and sing or dance your heart out.

@Grahambella thank you so much you are great

@Daffodil18 you took the time to help me you don't have a shit personality thank you so much x