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Original poster

Husband does not care

16 replies

gigipom · 03/09/2023 00:58

my husband just got back from a business trip. He was in my home country for two weeks.

He asked me for a list of things I wanted him to bring back (things I can’t get here). My list was around 10 items long and all cheapy things I really miss, like sweets, biscuits etc etc.

out of the 10, he brought back 2 things, one of those things are not even the correct thing. He said he was going to get the rest on the last few days he was there but he’s been out drinking instead and seemingly forgot/wasn’t a priority.

Im terribly homesick, we moved here for his job and I am really pissed off he couldn’t be bothered to grab me a few little snacks, but managed to pick up a few snacks for himself.

I feel genuinely hurt. Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/09/2023 01:03

maybe he just doesn’t realise how much they would have meant to you. On first read I was thinking “jeez, they’re only snacks” but I’m guessing there’s more to this than just snacks and that you really homesick. I know what that feels like so I can sympathise . But you need to tell him. He probably just didn’t join the dots.

Original poster
gigipom · 03/09/2023 01:04

I mean I burst into tears on the phone the other day. I have been on my own the entire time he’s been away. He knew how much these things meant to me and it just would have gone really far if he’d been a little more thoughtful!

OP posts:
RandomForest · 03/09/2023 02:10

I agree it sounds like he doesn't care.

Selfish is the word you are looking for.

Have you got children.

Grendell · 03/09/2023 02:15

No, you are not being pathetic. It's disappointing.

Original poster
gigipom · 03/09/2023 02:48

No children.

we moved here for his job and I hate it. All I do is dream of going home/somewhere else

OP posts:
Bibonelove · 03/09/2023 03:33

I don't think you're being pathetic, you're on your own in a different country, homesick, it wouldn't have taken much effort for him to get you a few home comforts, he's selfish

ClaraBourne · 03/09/2023 03:37

Did he say he was off drinking instead, as that comes across as deliberately hurtful. He couldn't even sacrifice that for you.

Is there a pattern or is this a one off?

moresleepthanks · 03/09/2023 03:46

I totally understand.

I returned home and wanted a tuna sandwich meal deal. My lovely BIL persuaded my DH it wasn't a sensible buy and neither the tasty option.

I actually cried when I realized it hadn't been bought. A supermarket tuna sandwich.

So you aren't being unreasonable.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/09/2023 03:48

If you're not tied with children, move home. He's thoughtless and selfish.

SuperWomansHandBag · 03/09/2023 04:01

Book a flight and go home . You aren't his priority. He's shown you this. Time for a Fresh start .

sothisisit · 03/09/2023 08:51

You know the snacks are just a symtom of your unhappiness. The cause is you are in a country you don't want to be in and your dh is helping you settle in.
Sit him down and tell him you are homesick, lonely, isolated and you need more support.

sothisisit · 03/09/2023 08:53

isn't helping you

Slothlikemum · 03/09/2023 09:13

How long is it since you moved country and are you working or getting a chance to meet people? Is he helping you settle (does he know the new country better than you?). You sound miserable and you're right, this fairly little gesture would have gone a long way for you.

Original poster
gigipom · 03/09/2023 12:59

Been here 6 months. I am working but the money I earn is crap and I just keep thinking how much nicer our life was before. He loves it here. I have some friends but they aren’t real friend yet, i feel like I haven’t known them long enough and there are some cultural differences in the way, if that makes any sense.

we have been together for a very long time. At the start he was very thoughtful and now I just feel like I’m being taken for granted. I do absolutely everything in the home & life admin department. I moved here for him.

OP posts:
Dery · 03/09/2023 13:08

You’re absolutely entitled to be upset but there are bigger problems if you hate it where you are. Is this a permanent move, actually or potentially? Do you see your feelings changing once you feel more settled? Are you a huge distance from home so that you can’t nip back for a weekend? What are your job prospects like? How do you see your future if you have to stay where you are? Can you/ would you want to imagine a life without him? You don’t have to answer these questions here of course! But they may help you get a grip on the bigger picture.

Dery · 03/09/2023 13:13

It’s a very old book but I found the Men are from Mars Women are from Venus book really insightful on this: it says that men attribute different values to thoughtful gestures depending on the scale of the gesture whereas women tend to give the same value to thoughtful gestures, no matter the scale. So to you, him bringing these things mattered as much as, say, him bringing flowers and whisking you off for a romantic dinner at a swanky restaurant as soon as he got back, whereas he probably thought of it as a small request which was low value. You need to educate him about this.

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