Husband following woman on Instagram

[Graciejade]

Just wondered what peoples opinions are on this …

I’ve only recently noticed my husband follows round about a thousand people on Instagram and the majority of them are woman. They range from Z listers from love island who just post constant bikini photos, to woman he met whilst working a summer abroad, to girls we have met on holiday over the years.

I have no issue with him following woman I’m friends with or woman that we both know, but I’m not too happy about the rest.

He’s promised me he doesn’t follow woman he slept with or got with whilst he was abroad, just the woman he was friends with, but I don’t get why he needs to keep in contact. We’ve been together 15 years, so it’s not like he’s going to meet them again.

He’s said he’s not getting rid of woman because his feed would be ‘boring and gay’ if it was just full of men. He said I can follow who I like and it’s not real life.

He’s obviously attracted to these woman otherwise he wouldn’t want to see photo’s and updates on what they’re up to.

He’s also said he doesn’t message any of them to keep in contact. I’m thinking if you’re not going to keep in contact or ever meet again, what’s the point in having them on there.

Am I just going over the top?

Yes but OP needs to know she doesn't have to be with this type.

What makes him a sleaze?

OP says he can only follow women she is also friends with or knows. That is pretty controlling.

Yes, what is sleazy about following? Is he messaging them trying to hit on them? If so, sleazy. If he isn’t, what’s the issue? Just him seeing their bodies as he scrolls? Agree it’s controlling to dictate who he can follow

I personally would not be ok with a partner following attractive, half naked women. I do not follow half naked attractive men either.

I understand other people don't have the same opinion, doesn't make them right and me wrong or vice versa.

It's 2023 and we can all set our own boundaries.

It's ok to not like it.

I think the thing here is that they are almost exclusively young women. If he was doing it for interest, or to truly follow people, surely there would be some men! Like fitness gurus, lifestyle stuff, work blogs etc

Most non-sleazy men don’t just follow women.

I’d find it sleazy and creepy tbh. And the gay comment would make me wonder if I was living with a homophobic Neanderthal

It’s about respect because I guess you’re not following lots of men who are posting photos in their pants? A lot of men used to love page 3 now they can’t look at that it’s online instead. Maybe his morals are different to yours?

normalizing things is a bad idea. it gets worse and worse over time.

If DP is not keen, then it needs to stop. unless one half believes ogling scantily clad or naked bodies online is more important than the feeling of his / her DP. How harmful or innocent it is - is a moot point. The feeling and emotional security of your loved ones should be the top priority.

He is a sleaze who is following young, attractive, half-naked women for the purpose of pleasuring himself to their photos.

Everyone's boundaries are different, so you're not being unreasonable if it makes you feel uncomfortable and it's not within what you feel is an acceptable boundary. I suppose it depends on your relationship too.

I wouldn't personally like it myself.

If some feel it's not a big deal him following them, then it shouldn't be a big deal to unfollow them if it's going to help you feel a bit more secure. But there is a fine line of asking someone to do something differently via good communication and mutually agreeing on things, and out right telling them then can't. That's were it could cross from discussing feelings and boundaries to trying to control their actions.

(Edited due to spelling).

This is it with some men. They're own need to be sleazy is far bigger then their dps security and confidence. No wonder so many women go off their partners

Interesting the amount of women who would find this offensive and yet on the posts about regular porn watching many of us who find it offensive and unsettling are told effectively to 'lighten up' and that it's normal and most men do it.

That's true, maybe they justify it because porn is about watching the act and sleazing on womens profiles is about the body and that woman personally? I don't know.

I agree. Porn has an element of detachment. It is the sex that they are getting off on. It hits differently when it's just pictures or profiles of individual women, because then they are definitely fantasizing about themselves actually sleeping with these women, not just getting off on visual images of people having sex.

Pornographic content is less offensive in some ways, because it's meant to be consumed for sex and about sex. Pure objectification. Just following young random women is somehow more sleazy, because it's more similar to just fantasizing about being with other people.

My ex husband was like this on Insta. Was a big red flag for me. He followed random “real” women, webcam girls, porn and model girls…. In the end it turned out he was having an affair with one of them. And I found out other creepy things about him after he left. Knocked me sideways for a long time, as I had no idea and felt so stupid and so worthless! Thankfully my life is a million times better now post-divorce.
Don’t let your husband disrespect you with this. Don’t ignore gut feelings. My gut was screaming it was a particular woman he was cheating with, and I was absolutely right.