I've finally told him I don't want to be married to him anymore...

[babybird123]

He didn't react well. Told me that I don't know how good I've got it. I said that having your husband hate you is not having it good. He claims that I despise him, and keeps telling me that I'm not a good person. He says I'm an amazing mother but a shit wife. He told me if I want to spit up then I can figure out what to do about the 5 year mortgage I've signed up to with him. He wants me leave the house. I'm sleeping in the spare room this evening. My mum's friend is a family lawyer so I'm going to be calling her over the weekend. Just need to get this off my chest I suppose. Feeling very sad and hopeless.

Do not leave the family home, he has zero right to tell you to leave as its a jointly owned property. He cannot changed the locks nor can he force you out. So whatever you do, do not leave the house.

His reaction is awful. Been there OP and you will get through this. Its not down to you to sort out everything relating to your jointly owned things. On Monday, seek out a good solicitor and get your ducks in a row.

But do not leave the house.

Like to add that you need to stay safe. If your OH is threatening or violent then call the police.

If you are such a shit wife and not a good person...why is he making it more difficult for you to leave? Surely a normal person would be rejoicing at their impending freedom. Hint...you are only a horrible person because you've stopped doing what he wants.

Don't leave the house for now. Do go and see a solicitor about your legal rights. Try and get copies of all bank statements, investments, savings, pensions and mortgage details. You can do this

Sending a hug 🤗 Don't accept unacceptable behaviour-it's never worth it. You've made your decision. Can't believe his dreadful reaction. Of all the things he could have said to try and turn it around. Shame on him. Stay strong

All the best op and positivity

Glad you have a family lawyer to help .

agree to pp don’t leave

Thank you. The mortgage commitment scares me so much because we've signed up for 5 years

Don't be scared. The banks have seen it all before. People die, people lose jobs, people separate. They will have plans to help with these scenarios. Keep going forwards and stop believing every Epworth out of his mouth. He's not thinking of you at all, only himself.

He's trying scare tactics about the mortgage and telling you to leave because he doesn't actually think you'll go. It's him who has it very good because he has you to run his home and keep his children sorted etc etc. And quite possibly splitting up is going to hurt him financially more than you. Of course he isn't going to want to do that.
Don't leave the marital home, and speaking to a solicitor on Monday to get your ducks in a row is definitely the way to go. Hold strong and good luck.

Mortgages can usually be ported. I agree he's trying to intimidate you into staying.

Any mortgage is breakable - people sell, move, split up, meet someone and want to buy together etc all the time, it's life.

There will be a fee to end your mortgage deal early but that's just one of the expenses of separating - think of it like the expense of paying for a divorce. It's a means to an end result where you'll be happier.

The mortgage isn't such a big deal. Either you work out a way to carry on paying it, while one of you stays in the house with the children , or one of you buys the other one out,( might be able to port the mortgage if you chose this option) or you sell the house and pay off the mortgage.. it would be worth calling the lender to discuss options and whether they would allow either one of you to either take on the mortgage or to port the fixed term to a different property. Ask what the redemption charge would be if you were to sell and pay off the mortgage now. It may be that there is a financial hit, but it might be worth it.
Get all the info you can from your lender, get all your pension info available and when you have figures for everything, see a solicitor. If you are married, his pension and yours are part of the matrimonial pot, as are all assets, whoever owns them.
Don't leave unless you want to, if the house is jointly owned or you are married he can't force you out.
But he sounds a bully, best not to discuss any of this with him until you know where you stand with your lender, and legally.

I don't know if we can recommend advice places here. Apologies if not. Wikivorce were really helpful for me to talk to and they offer a free initial chat. They were able to talk through the options and sympathise but also gave me hope that it does get better if you push through this bit. Good for you for managing to talk to your OH. I keep trying but he's not having it, I'm genuinely worried I'll have bought my next house before he'll engage with me about the fact I've left him and then he'll have a pop at me for not talking to him about it 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷

This is only a small point in the much larger "good on you & don't leave the house" advice. But do go to your own solicitor, don't just try & rely on your family friend. You need someone completely engaged on your side, not just someone who will probably do their best but actually wishes you hadn't asked them / hasn't got time to concentrate on your situation.