Has anyone been in this situation, how did it turn out long term? With 'partner' and 2 kids happily but we aren't in love

[Razputini]

Thinking long term, im not sure how this will all eventually pan out - if we'll just stay settled together or go out own separate ways once the kids are grown up. Im 22, my boyfriend is 27, and we have 2 girls 7 months and 3 years old. Everything is absolutely fine, we all live together, we get along, we support each other, all functioning well. But we aren't in love and never have been, it started out as just a light relationship, no real commitments but i fell pregnant and that was that. As much as i love having our children i feel the relationship wasn't very appropriate either and my bf should have known better than to get with a 17 year old (he was 22 at the time) who though 'we dont need protection im sure it won't happen'. Especially since being 22 now i think what?? I would never get with somebody whos 17 at this age!

It feels strange to explain to people that we're kind of together, but not. It feels like raising kids with a best friend, not a partner. People who have been in a similar situation, with more experience, did you just end up staying together long term anyway? Or did you move on at some point to find somebody you're really in love with. I've been in love before and i know what it feels like, and this is not it. And part of me feels sad knowing that i might never experience it again, but i dont think i would be completely unhappy just settling for this either. Never brought it up with my partner either because i think that would be really awkward to talk about lol. At the same time too, ive known him a long time now, hes part of our family, if we weren't 'together' anymore it would feel strange

Well, there was an age gap, that could be seen as not a regular one, but not that far off that it's necessarily weird. I think you might be clutching at straws to some degree and should own the situation also. You can't argue the same with your 2nd DC as we're older and knew the score by then. If you already experienced love prior, then you had some experience.
Yes he should have been more responsible, but as still together, he has stuck by you.
Did you feel like this after the first or is it just now? It's only been 7 months since birth, so your hormones, plus your priority being your DC, could be a factor.
You are still young, so have lots of time. I'd say hang in till your youngest DD is about 2, then reassess. If you feel the same, then consider changing it.

You’re twenty two. It will resolve itself in time, probably not before too long. You’ll fall for someone else or he will. You’ll hopefully have enough of a friendship bond to part amicably and coparent sensibly.

My parents did.

16 when they got together...there was a period of resentment where my mum hated my dad for feeling stuck together for us kids and they would argue.

But as they got to pensioner age and were still together they are very best friends and although no love in that way they remain very close and tight knit and dont want to split. I guess after 40 years bit odd to not be with eachother, they feel a bit lost apart.

But they both didnt have a desire for dating ect. I think if one met another person it would have been different.

Im not sure if my mum had an affair at one point in her 30's..but dad knew everything as they were very open with one another..if it was then no one cared and after couple years the chap dissapeared.

Also i think it may have worked as they both brought something to the table to make it worth it...
My dad was a hands on dad and worked hard able to provide my mum with a comfortable life, take us out on his days off if she needed a break, sort out nights away with her friends ect..
And mum would look after him, sort his food, socialise for him (my dads awful socially) and sort out holidays.

I mean if you dont love someone and they add no value to your life in other ways then it isnt worth it imo..resentment will grow

This. I suspect someone will have an exit affair at some point. You can't give up the idea of love at 22. You can plan a healthier split but it will probably happen in an unhealthy way if not.

And yes, someone in their 20s getting a 17 yo pregnant irresponsibly is not a good thing. He should have known better.

You're almost certainly going to split and it would be better for the kids if you made a proactive decision to do it while they are young enough to adapt easily.

You made 2 DCs with someone you didn't really love and you need to own that decision even though you are young. Your post screams of self pity and blaming everyone else but yourself.

I think 30 years ago the advice would be to stick it out for the sake of the kids etc but these days no one really expects you to stay together and you will be looked after financially by the state if you need it so there you go.

I don't think you can ask people in their 20s to stay together if they're not feeling it.

Get some decent contraception and don't have any more babies with men you aren't serious about or married to.

I don’t think the age gap is that odd. Women are often more mature than men and I always dated someone older. Both parties are responsible for contraception, I’m sure at 17 you were old enough to know if you’re having sex without contraception you can get pregnant.
22 is way too young to be settled into a loveless relationship. You can drag it out if you want, but eventually you’ll be unhappy and want out. I guess it’s up to you whether you do that now when kids are so young, or wait until they are a bit older. No abuse so you can stay and just muddle along if that’s what you want. Both of you need to have a chance to find someone who genuinely loves you.

Women are often more mature than men

This is is lie, repeatedly told to women so that men can date girls. If a 22 yo isn't more mature than a 17 yo, he's an actual idiot.

Great response. Exactly this.

@Opentooffers has nailed it, I think.

The age gap is a bit large but not vast. Perhaps you weren’t ready at 17 to be dating a 22 yo (and why would you be?). You gave the decision-making over to him because he was older but you must have known unprotected sex would likely result in pregnancy. In truth, if you’re not mature enough to insist on contraception, you’re not mature enough to be having sex, but it was easier in my day because I came of age in the mid-80s and everyone used condoms because of AIDS. There was no discussion. In any case, it’s done now and you’ve no doubt grown up hugely since having your LOs. You’ve just had your second. Don’t make any big decisions for now but do make sure your contraception is bullet proof.