Page 2 | How many people do you date at once on OLD and why ?

Livelifelaughter · 2023-09-01T14:38:45+00:00

Some advice here. Feeling a bit stung. I met a really nice guy on OLD and after a long first date we had a long and lovely second dinner date, we had a lot of banter etc...he messaged me afterwards, a few days later to say he had met someone else and paraphrasing was very into her. He flew abroad the morning after we met. I messaged him back to say that I wish he had told me before we met for dinner...I totally agree with meeting a number of people on first dates, but second dates I am more selective about and I don't want fancy lunches and dinners with lots of people, certainly not when I feel I have met someone great...I feel played by this guy. Any views?

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 04/09/2023 09:42

Catastrophejane · 04/09/2023 08:17

I used to feel quite anxious about the fact that people you date online are potentially seeing other people, but a friend told me something reassuring-

if you are compatible, you’ll stand out in contrast to the other dates.

It's difficult because to have a connection you need to be a bit open, so in my circumstances we are in my favourite restaurant (he asked me) having a 3 hour lunch followed by coffee somewhere else, and having a very personal conversation; I wouldn't have thought he had a strong interest or attraction to someone BEFORE that lunch....he could be one of those guys who likes going to glam settings with women.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 04/09/2023 14:13

Mediocrates · 04/09/2023 07:50

Any man who cracks out the “You’re different to others” is an instant red flag to me.

Yup. Its a gem of a red flag.

"Like mate, you've known me 5 minutes and you're going to tell me I'm 'different from all the other girls' ? What a load of smoke. Blow it up someone else's ass'.

JenniferBooth · 04/09/2023 19:14

@SamW98 It wouldnt be for me either.

if you are compatible, you’ll stand out in contrast to the other dates

But surely this is basically the "pick me" dance

Moanyoldmoan · 04/09/2023 20:34

OLD. Says it all. Nice guys don’t exist on OLD. You dodged a bullet

Moanyoldmoan · 04/09/2023 20:37

And OP it’s likely he will be back trying his luck again. Don’t give him the chance

CapEBarra · 04/09/2023 21:18

I went on 7 dates in a week. My now DP of 8 years was the 6th but I continued to date other people for a few weeks after we met. You need to reframe your thinking - treat OLD as a chance to meet people you would never otherwise have met - that’s all it is. Don’t invest too much time and effort until you feel it ‘has legs’. Don’t do 6 hour first dates - a coffee or a drink, or even a walk, is plenty at first - don’t invest too much time until you know the person is worth the investment. Don’t undersell yourself. I didn’t go exclusive with Mr Cap until about 6 weeks in when I was at his apartment and he went into the bedroom and brought out my cardigan - except it wasn’t my cardigan! We went out for brunch and then I went home (I was smitten by this point) and had a think. I later messaged him and laid my cards on the table - that I liked him and wanted to stop dating other people but if he wasn’t on the same page then I wished him all the best. Long story short - he phoned all delighted, we came off the app and have been happy as clams ever since.

Namechange448 · 04/09/2023 21:47

Something similar happened to me, we went on 2 short dates and I really wasn't sure if I fancied him but was willing to give it another date to see.
He then got in touch to say he thought I was great , bla, bla, bla but that he had started seeing someone else.
Even thought I wasn't sure about him either and it prob wouldn't have gone past a 3rd date anyway, it still stung as at the end of the day, it's rejection.
Looking back , I don't know whether I would have preferred him to just not contact me again as opposed to staying it in black and white that he has met someone he likes better and doesn't want to go on another date. ( he didn't say it like that obvs but that's basically what he meant)
I'm sorry this happened to you ,it does really suck but I guess the only good thing to come from it is that we wouldn't want to be with someone anyway who has decided for whatever reason not to see us again.

EBearhug · 05/09/2023 02:45

Nice guys don’t exist on OLD.

Yeah, they do. They can just be difficult to find among all the others.

SamW98 · 05/09/2023 07:33

EBearhug · 05/09/2023 02:45

Nice guys don’t exist on OLD.

Yeah, they do. They can just be difficult to find among all the others.

Yes this. They do exist but it’s a bit of a slog separating the wheat from the chaff

GLORIAGloriarse · 05/09/2023 09:21

There are nice guys out there. Whether they're nice and compatible or interesting to you narrows the field somewhat.

I eventually got down to dating about 2-3 at once. Kept things moving without being exhausting. Once I met DP I was not interested in any others though.

I think discretion is much nicer than making people feel compared to others after only a few dates so I just said I had enjoyed meeting the others but didn't feel a romantic spark etc etc.

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 05/09/2023 10:39

GLORIAGloriarse · 05/09/2023 09:21

There are nice guys out there. Whether they're nice and compatible or interesting to you narrows the field somewhat.

I eventually got down to dating about 2-3 at once. Kept things moving without being exhausting. Once I met DP I was not interested in any others though.

I think discretion is much nicer than making people feel compared to others after only a few dates so I just said I had enjoyed meeting the others but didn't feel a romantic spark etc etc.

I agree, it would have been better to not have made any form of comparison.
I think what hurt me was he seemed very keen and we were both very open and teasing with each other; I have done some OLD and this felt very natural. I think had he been very attracted to someone BEFORE we met I would have preferred that he told me that and just cancelled lunch or gave me an option to still meet up but knowing this. I think what I have learned is sadly to be less trusting.
..

OP posts:

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 11:10

I agree. I had couple dates with same person, talked for weeks. He ignored me for a week so i just blocked him... no time for that nor time wasters. If youre interested, show it. This guy was honest and up front, i like that. You know where you stand. Go on some other dates with others but dont invest or expect much, go with the flow x

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 05/09/2023 11:31

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 11:10

I agree. I had couple dates with same person, talked for weeks. He ignored me for a week so i just blocked him... no time for that nor time wasters. If youre interested, show it. This guy was honest and up front, i like that. You know where you stand. Go on some other dates with others but dont invest or expect much, go with the flow x

I don't actually think he was that honest, he spent the whole afternoon with me, telling me all sorts about his life before catching a plane for work sending me further messages etc and then he tells me he is very attracted to some he met BEFORE our lunch, two days later while still on his business trip....I think OLD is so poor that our standards have dropped to the point that we give brownie points for someone seeing you, telling you about their life blah blah and then saying they met someone before they met you that they like more !

OP posts:

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 11:38

That was shitty move on his behalf. I agree OLD can be discouraging.. theres more dicks than micks... which is a lot 😣♥️. Sadly OLD is very superficial and these average guys think they have it all going on. I still cant work out the false sense if worth these guys have. Its laughable. Confidence i like but youve gotta have something to back it up. A lot dont. Puts me off OLD. have you tried joining meetup? You meet loads people and not just opposite sex. Ive made loads friends that way..if i meet someone, cool, if not, thats cool too because im enjoying my time. All the best OP X

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 05/09/2023 11:59

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 11:38

That was shitty move on his behalf. I agree OLD can be discouraging.. theres more dicks than micks... which is a lot 😣♥️. Sadly OLD is very superficial and these average guys think they have it all going on. I still cant work out the false sense if worth these guys have. Its laughable. Confidence i like but youve gotta have something to back it up. A lot dont. Puts me off OLD. have you tried joining meetup? You meet loads people and not just opposite sex. Ive made loads friends that way..if i meet someone, cool, if not, thats cool too because im enjoying my time. All the best OP X

I am being honest here, I have met men IRL but they all have done OLD and seem to adopt similar patterns... basically in the OLD world just being washed and employed seems to make men think they are a catch. I am in my 50s I do a lot of things etc but it's actually quite hard meeting men in this age group. Many seem to have commitment issues having left long marriages and want the occasional meal someone to go on holiday with and sex.

OP posts:

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 12:11

Yes! I agree. Im 50 and ive experienced all of that from OLD and IRL men. Like doing the basics of working and having a shower makes them the cream of the crop. Thing is some women will take whatever is on offer through loneliness and not knowing any better etc.Thats where these ass clowns get away with it.
Its very hard meeting men in this age group..they either want young women or have as you say, commitment issues and want everything from a woman with minimal input from themselves. Its discouraging. You get a lot of bitter men on OLD too..divorcees usually. I like to hope theres some decent older men out there who arent like this. Good luck OP...you never know 😊

EBearhug · 05/09/2023 13:43

Like doing the basics of working and having a shower makes them the cream of the crop.
To be fair, low bar as that is, there are still those who fail to clear it...

(Says person who hasn't worked since January...)

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 15:00

Haha thats very true. Bad hygiene and dirty habits and they think they're irresistible, because theyve been conditioned into thinking they are, well, because they have a penis

SamW98 · 05/09/2023 15:15

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 12:11

Yes! I agree. Im 50 and ive experienced all of that from OLD and IRL men. Like doing the basics of working and having a shower makes them the cream of the crop. Thing is some women will take whatever is on offer through loneliness and not knowing any better etc.Thats where these ass clowns get away with it.
Its very hard meeting men in this age group..they either want young women or have as you say, commitment issues and want everything from a woman with minimal input from themselves. Its discouraging. You get a lot of bitter men on OLD too..divorcees usually. I like to hope theres some decent older men out there who arent like this. Good luck OP...you never know 😊

I’m in sane age bracket and OMG it’s been site meeting anyone vaguely decent who doesn’t think he’s Gods gift just by having a penis.

Most me my age either want a 35 year old size 8 nympho with breasts like Katie Price - and seem to be totally confused as to why they’re not getting these women. Or they want a housewife to cook clean and wipe their arse and the 3rd lot think they’re hot as you like and just want a casual shag. Honestly it would be hilarious if it wasn’t so dreadful.

But I’ve met men in the elf who are just as bad.

I’ve recently started seeing someone who actually seems genuine, is attractive, presentable, articulate and really nice. I’m waiting for the catch but so far so good

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 15:23

Same experiences 😒😂.
I think majority come in those 3 groups you pointed out. Want younger woman, someone to do everything like their mama did or the ones that look ok but are cocky and just think its a shag fest. I cant say how many dick pics ive had over the years.
Ooo im glad youve met someone and that he seems nice 😊..us women deserve it. All the best x

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 05/09/2023 15:44

EBearhug · 05/09/2023 13:43

Like doing the basics of working and having a shower makes them the cream of the crop.
To be fair, low bar as that is, there are still those who fail to clear it...

(Says person who hasn't worked since January...)

I am sorry EBearhug, I didn't mean to take a swipe at anyone who isn't in a job, it was more a reference to being employable ...

OP posts:

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 05/09/2023 15:49

SamW98 · 05/09/2023 15:15

I’m in sane age bracket and OMG it’s been site meeting anyone vaguely decent who doesn’t think he’s Gods gift just by having a penis.

Most me my age either want a 35 year old size 8 nympho with breasts like Katie Price - and seem to be totally confused as to why they’re not getting these women. Or they want a housewife to cook clean and wipe their arse and the 3rd lot think they’re hot as you like and just want a casual shag. Honestly it would be hilarious if it wasn’t so dreadful.

But I’ve met men in the elf who are just as bad.

I’ve recently started seeing someone who actually seems genuine, is attractive, presentable, articulate and really nice. I’m waiting for the catch but so far so good

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Yes, my ex; absolutely charming, kind interesting... but completely compartmentalised his life, seemed to want to spend most of his time on trips with the boys...being other 55 year olds. Mentioned to me that 100s of women on Bumble had been queuing up to meet him...same with another guy who is a friend of mine is being completely bank rolled on holidays etc by a woman he won't introduce to anyone after 10 months...

OP posts:

EBearhug · 05/09/2023 16:07

Livelifelaughter · 05/09/2023 15:44

I am sorry EBearhug, I didn't mean to take a swipe at anyone who isn't in a job, it was more a reference to being employable ...

Show quote history

Oh, don't worry - if I was meeting me, I'd want to know why I hadn't looked harder for work, either, and how do intend to support myself when the redundancy pay and savings run out. (Am starting some training next month, so that's how.)

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 05/09/2023 19:27

Personally, I only went on dates with one person at a time…. I waited to see if we clicked before moving onto chatting and dating someone else. It’s just what I felt comfortable with for me.

however, I know a lot of people date multiple people early on and so I did accept that this might happen unless I’d had the “exclusive” talk with someone.

Catastrophejane · 06/09/2023 20:52

JenniferBooth · 04/09/2023 19:14

@SamW98 It wouldnt be for me either.

if you are compatible, you’ll stand out in contrast to the other dates

But surely this is basically the "pick me" dance

I don’t think it’s that at all. If anything it’s giving up any kind of expectation. And not falling for the ‘pick me’ dance.

its actually ‘if you don’t pick me, you’re not for me’

It’s basically having the mindset that if you just be yourself, you’ll attract the right person. Basically, if someone isn’t sure about the relationship, they aren’t for you.