new parents HELP

[aLnik]

I am just reaching out again for support. My baby and my boyfriend are sleeping, and this is the only time I have and am desperately trying to get some advice!

What's the problem OP?

We had a beautiful relationship. We were both so happy to find out we were having a baby but very quickly he changed. He was mean and violent (smashing things) drinking, name calling...I think of myself as an intelligent person, but this was so shocking to me I truly did not understand. our baby is 7 months beautiful, and my boyfriend's behavior has gotten so much worse. He refuses to talk about his behavior and out right acts like it did not happen. He won't talk about any of it with me. I am having a hard time explaining it because it sounds so crazy that someone would be this way. He is not cheating or doing anything suspect but why is he suddenly so awful? I am not perfect, but I am not deserving, not even close to what is being done and spoken. I leave and he just act like it was an argument over me leaving the garage door open overnight. I just need someone to listen to me. I feel like I am going insane.

You need to leave. You and your baby are not safe around him

I can do this safely and efficiently...I just want to understand. I am so very alone and at the same time I have never been happier having this beautiful baby as a bit of an older mom (33)
I do leave and then I get the silent treatment and I do not engage and then when he finally does call it is not to apologize or make time to talk or fix anything and I just give in because our child loves his daddy then it is just casually him telling me " I love you ok? I'm sorry" and it's just gone on far too long now and I don't know what I can do to be taken seriously.

We really were so adorably in love. I know part of me chooses not to give up but I really am never going to get that love back am I?

You have a baby to consider in all of this.

If he's violent and you keep returning social services can as a safe guarding concern remove your child. Sorry to be brutal but that is what can happen.

Report to police, leave and block. Do not end up in this cycle which risks your child.

It's really hard to accept OP but no, you're not going to get that love back because the man you thought he was never actually existed. It's the number one reason people stay in abusive relationships, believing that the person they fell in love with will 'come back' and the abuse will stop but the truth is that this is who he is, the rest was just a mask he wore to suck you in. It won't get better and could potentially get a lot worse so you need to protect yourself and your baby. Do you have friends/family for support?

I don't see why you need to understand his behaviour before you get you, and more importantly your baby to safety.

Act now, unpack that later.

oh hun I bet that is heartbreaking. Its a position that occurs more often than not unfortunately. and not something most of us will comprehend why.

But one thing is though, he is this way because he chooses this way, his anger, his outbursts, smashing things, he is teaching you how to behave in the future and if you stay, you are silently telling him that you accept his behaviour. No amount of reasoning, no amount of different approaches or tactics will ever change him. I am sorry to say.

What you will need to do is safeguard your DD. This means leaving the relationship.

If you stay, and you need the police assistance for a bas episode from him, it means a referral to social services will be made due to the little one, and this is where the problems start for you for real.

No amount of love or understanding on your part will change his behavior. Ever.