I'm 6 weeks into a cbt course that I'm not sure is really helping me - I think I've been depressed on an off all my adult life, I'm early 40's. I've been married for 12 years and with my partner for nearly 20. I struggle with communicating and always have. It's like I spend most of my life making myself as small as possible and trying to cut off how I feel until it all blows up in my face. It has made being married to me very difficult and I think my partner has finally had enough and I think we need to split. But we can't even talk about that. We have kids in the house and my sister in law staying for a bit and incredibly busy lives. But it's so complex, we have a daughter together and other caring commitments. I have found the CBT quite confronting in terms of highlighting where all the issues I have are but not really offering me many solutions. I absolutely cannot afford private therapy, we are barely hanging on financially.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe because I feel so desperately alone and I can't even talk to my partner properly - I didn't even feel able to say I'd started cbt but it's come out tonight, along with the fact I've started having panic attacks. I'm very aware of my failings as a person and a wife but I can't seem to overcome them. Has anyone found their way out of a depression hole and found a way to save their relationships with their family, any advice on how to show my partner how I'm feeing without just burdening her with all the shit?