My husband has been diagnosed with depression

[BBB23]

My husband left me and my baby 4 weeks ago and went to his moms house. He was really down due to our dog dying and childhood trauma which he only seems to be remembering now but he’s got so much worse since being at his moms and said he don’t feel like his in love me . His on anti depressants now since Tuesday (I finally got him to agree to go doctors with me) and he is being referred for therapy. But has anyone else gone through this when their partner is depressed they are out of love with them? We was so happy and in love before this and he adored me and our baby, now he doesn’t seem to care about anything and has isolated away from us. I’m finding it so hard and just hoping there is still hope for us even though he is constantly pushing me away

I’m sorry you’re both experiencing a difficult time
How old is baby? some men do experience low mood postnatal. It’s a tumultuous time

His depression will blunt his mood,and decrease motivation,impair his judgement. Encouragingly with medication, therapy and diet & exercise he can make a recovery. Need to give the medication a few week to work, but hopefully he make a recovery

exercise helps,literally a walk,can boost mood

Do you know whats the trigger to recalling past trauma?

let your own gp know that you’re a new mum and partner has low mood

Fwiw going on antidepressants was a game-changer for me. I expect it's as much about the huge change a baby brings as anything else, I wouldn't panic at this stage give it a couple of weeks and see how he is.

It is a horrible illness and still not really understood. Just try and be kind despite how you feel and let him know you are there. Hopefully he will come round but it’s not always a simple as he is out of love or pushing you away. He perhaps just can’t help it due to the way he feels. Meds can take a few weeks to kick in and can make you feel worse before better.

His been at his moms for almost 4 weeks now. Our baby is nearly 6 months old. He said he feels better on his own at the moment but he’s been worse since his at his moms and only this week agreed to go the GP before he didn’t see he had an issue. I don’t know if it’s having our son or our dog dying in May which made him really depressed and also being back the trauma from his childhood. I really want to be there and try and help him but at the same time, he makes out that our relationship and me are the problem and takes his mood out on me and it’s so hard and so draining. I don’t think he can help it though. I just hope with time he’ll come back and realise, it’s so hard doing everything alone.

ADs take a few weeks to really start to work so you may need to be patient. Hopefully he is not drinking as well as the ADs won’t work properly. Look after yourself too.

You also need to think of yourself. You can’t make him better or fix him. Taking it out on you is not ok regardless of how depressed he is. You need to steel yourself for the fact that he might not come back. He is getting help and support from his parents. Back away from him and focus on you and your baby. He needs to get himself well, tying yourself in knots to make him better won’t do you any favours especially if it ends up that he doesn’t come back in the end anyway.

Dear OP@BBB23 , @Lostinplaces has some really good advice you should take seriously. If your DH is depressed it is definitely his problem, not yours no matter how much you care for him and want to support him.

It is a good idea that he focuses on getting well right now and you should focus on caring for your baby and your own mental health and body.
Don't believe him a minute when he says it is your fault.

It will take up to 8 weeks for the AD to start working and he may need to change medication to find what works best for him. Bravo for getting him to the gp and getting started. He does need your encouragement to start therapy. Depression can take quite a while to heal. It is not easy for the patient nor the supporting spouse. Good luck for your family.