It’s a Christmas one! -including managing expectations and division of labour

[EL8888]

I’m doing Christmas this year -we have young children and aren’t that transportable right now. I am fine in principle and do a good roast if l say so myself. BUT the last time l did Christmas the guests drove me mad. Lots of expecting to be waited on, turning up empty handed, monopolising the TV etc. I planned, purchased and cooked the Christmas lunch but then no one wanted to clear up or wash up. Needless to say l didn’t! So l am keen to manage people’s expectations from the off I.e. l won’t be be laying on entertainment and 3 meals a day for the duration. Including driving people here, there and everywhere -that was requested a fair amount last time

I don’t feel like l should have to say anything -everyone knows l have 2 under 2 but instinct says l need to or it will be a re-run of last time 🙄. I’m thinking something breezy on the family WhatsApp group. Some thing that makes clear people will need to contribute and actively make some meals -l know this needs finessing so lm trying to get advice. I am keen for the vine not to be “asking” as it’s not a debate, it’s just what’s happening

How many people are you expecting? To the person who suggested you set up food orders I'd reply : great idea! But I think I've got enough on my plate so you can own this. Here's what I'd like you to order for me... ' Though I'd expect them to back down immediately saying it wouldn't work - even though anyone can send a food order to any address.
And I'd just be frank with people. Lay out the cereal boxes for breakfast, tell people where the milk/tea/sugar is and tell them all to wash up after themselves. Say lunch is down to them - you don't have food in to cater so expect they might like to go out?
Tell person X they are responsible for bringing the booze, person Y desserts etc.
on the day say to the assembled crowd: right I need help in the kitchen and for somebody to set the table' and don't move until people get up. Afterwards say 'right lovely meal wasn't it? Now who's going to do the washing up?' And name the two people who haven't moved off their arses all day.
I go every couple years abroad to my sister's house. My family doubles the amount of people living in the house, and there's usually three more guests on the day. We share the costs of food shopping, all pitch in with cooking, my kids will lay the table and entertain my autistic niece. My other sister who doesn't cook tends to do the washing up. Never expect anyone to do anything for me - I want a cup of tea I make it and offer one to anyone around. I respect it's my sisters house so ask if I can eat or make something with food I haven't bought. We plan outings together and yes she is doing the driving. If we go away overnight I'll pay for her room.
But be upfront and don't accept the role you seem to have been assigned.

I last hosted the best part of a decade ago so it’s not a regular thing per se

@mondaytosunday when you wrote: great idea! But I think I've got enough on my plate so you can own this. Here's what I'd like you to order for me.

I chuckled as that’s pretty much what l put on the WhatsApp group. Person has read it but not replied as yet 🤣. Bet they are kicking themselves for putting their head above the parapet. Hopefully this deflection will put off other people from trying to make me servant of Christmas

I thought it was just me but l thought the same thing. Especially when it was explained to me in a subsequent post how the Christmas off duty works. I have worked in the NHS for the best part of 15 years, l know how the Christmas off duty works -l used to run the off duty in a previous job!

@mondaytosunday PS around 6 people. Some are yet to confirm -obviously not the CF element

I always used to say: you are welcome to come, you are welcome to stay a few nights. But everyone who is here keeps to the family rules:

• cook never washes up
• if you get yourself food/drink you ask if anyone else wants some
• if someone offers you food/drink ask if they need help
• things on this shelf in the fridge are free-for all, everything else is off limits or you ask us before using it
• breakfast is help yourself (here are the things)
• if you use the last of something put it on the shopping list (it is here)

etc. And i also tell them what they can bring so the entire cost doesn't land on me. (still do that with visitors over long periods)

Two under two and you'll be recently back at work!

My message would be that your having Christmas Day on your own and meeting one lot on Boxing Day at aunties and one lot can come for lunch on Christmas Eve/day after Boxing Day.

If it’s your family being PITA then get partner to send the text. He will look like super modern man looking out for his hard working partner. In a way you will never get looking after yourself. Bonus points if your family have hump they can talk about him not you!

Some of the faux breezy messages sound very pass ag! If you want to send the message I would keep it factual otherwise it sounds pretty grating.

OP, make no mention of hot breakfast.

Cereal/toast only.

My friends brother used to say he was famous for his fry breakfasts....eh no....he was famous for the state the kitchen would be left in, huge job to clean up a greasy mess.

My friend and her husband would resfuse it as she wanted no part of the clean up after it.

One great tip is chose veg that can be cooked and frozen in foil trays in advnce in advance, just to be defrosted overnight and put directly into the oven.

Likewise make your gravey in advance, freeze.

Buy a large flask to keep it warm .

Take every shortcut possible.

I think a fruit salad is a lovely starter, as is pate on crackers, all prepared in advance.

Pate could be made a month in advance too.

I'm embarassed to say I haven't rtft yet but I wanted to agree with 8888. There are so few Christmases when your kids are little and are fully engaged in Christmas. Once they are teens, they are more into their friends, roll their eyes at Christmas dinner, don't believe in Santa, etc. Your parents had their turn to enjoy little kids at Christmas, when they had their own children. Now it's your turn. It won't last long. Don't let it be taken from you.

How long are people expecting to stay for?