Is he unreasonable?

[Namechange4083]

Me & my husband have been together 17 years (married 8), I'm just looking for opinions.

I turned 40 earlier in the year, have lost weight and I'm feeling good about myself. I said to my husband when I'm 50 (planning way in the future, I know! But thats what I'm like 😁) I'd quite like a small tattoo on my wrist (a symbol/sign of a singer I've been a fan of since I was 12). He said "if you get a tattoo, I'll divorce you". I didn't really think he was being serious but in subsequent conversations he has said he 100% will divorce me.

It's surprised me as on the whole he's a great husband (and an amazing father to our child) and definitely not normally controlling in any way.

Background is neither of us have tattoo's and have never really liked them. The one I'd get would be one colour (black) about the size of a 10p I'd guess.

His reaction has made me want to get it done ASAP rather than in 10 years!

I should get it done shouldn't I?
(I don't want a divorce but I don't want to be told what to do with my own body either). Sorry for the long post!

That tattoo thing isn't the issue for me. You know he doesn't like them. He's entitled to not like them. And entitled to be upset that after all these years you'd get something you know he doesn't like.

It's the instant go-to well I'd divorce you. It's the nuclear option. Just bam.

No discussion. No adult conversation. Just he's off. It's a threat. And frankly I'd be more upset with how easy it is for him to walk away from a 17 year relationship.

He hasn't walked away yet. Just like the OP hasn't had the tattoo yet.

It has been talked about - 10 years in advance. She hasn't just turned up at home with it.

He's restated how strongly he feels about tattoos and put the ball in her court. She can do what she wants with that information.

Someone could just as easily say that it is her throwing away a 17 year relationship for the sake of a very small tattoo as she'd be the one crossing the boundary they've both held for 17+ years.

Maybe he reacted that strongly because he felt they were comfortably on the same page and was shocked to hear her say it.

Why not trial it with a temporary one? You might decide it looks a bit naff and will look worse as your skin ages...and you can test his reaction.

Completely this
I don’t respond well to threats. So my response to the divorce comment would be go on then!

No he hasn't walked away. It's the threat of it

I'd like to think an adult would be able to convey their opinions strongly or otherwise without threats.

No relationship will work without communication and it appears his only input in this is 'divorce'.

I'm trying to see both sides of this.

On the one hand - your body, your choice. Someone who divorces you for getting a tattoo looks like they were just looking for an excuse to, or they are a controlling person generally. It's just a tattoo after all.

On the other hand - he hates tattoos, you've never liked them either. By getting a tattoo it probably feels like a bit of a slap in the face to him. You've lost weight, gained confidence, and are now seeking to do something that he doesn't like and which you didn't used to like. It might be 'just' a tattoo but to him it signifies that his opinion, his attraction towards you, no longer matters.

Yes he over-reacted. Yes it's your body, your choice. But if he's usually a non-controlling, supportive, loving person, then I would give him some time to get used to it.

My husband loathes tattoos.

He paid for mine for my birthday, because he knew it would make me happy and he's not in control of my body.

I'd get it now me. You don't need his permission for anything.

Bump .
The problem here is not the tattoo. It is the threat of divorce.
People who are in love do not threaten one another. This is a sign of insecurity and controlling behavior. You should have a talk and get to the bottom of this and let him know you will not tolerate this in the future.