Singleness and the crushing loneliness. Question.

[OnedayTwodays]

This is a question for thise who are single and have trouble actually finding a partner.
Not for those who are single parents, have flings and/or don’t want a relationship or have done it all in the past.

So more for those who are actually alone and struggle with it.

So question for you.
What the actual fuck do you do when the sheer pain, fear and panic hits?
How do you help yourself?

Sometimes I struggle with being single, sometimes I am happy about it.

Sometimes I think about how I am so much better off alone, than being in an unhappy relationship. Perhaps not a good way to cope, but it is what it is!

Honestly I just cry 😂
usually that helps a little til the next episode.

I chatted a few times with a married coworker today and every time she had to end our chat it was either cause her DH was calling or he had just walked in from work. That really made me feel the pain of being single. I’ve never had that and I’m over 50. Doubt if I ever will as I rarely click with anyone.

I will probably have a good cry later when I’m in bed. 😂

I have tried dating. But I always realise that I dont want a man in my life. Friends yes but not another man. I take myself out, force myself in fact but I would be lying if I said I was not feeling anxious about how alone I dread retirement. I spend a lot of time alone

Sometimes I struggle with being single, sometimes I am happy about it.

Same here. I used to be better about being single. i guess because when I was younger and even though I was wirried about being one, there still was an attitude that ”of course I’l meet someone one day, everyone does. Even awful people find love, so surely someone will live me”.
But now, realization has hit. And hard.

Honestly I just cry 😂
usually that helps a little til the next episode.

This is me!
100%.

I'm glad you've got the presence of mind not to blow all that money on chance. Not a good chance either. But have you considered that what your really need right now, is not babies, but some emotional support?

I'd say that of anyone even thinking of deliberately blowing all that money on a currently non existent person. Let alone when they aren't rich af and it would mean being a single parent, should pronably not be having babies right now, they should be seeking therapy to understand why this obsession is taking Iver their life, and combat it.

I'm sorry and I don't want to downplay longing for children. But there comes a point where it is essentially,mental illness. Or at the very least, causing it. Obsession, all obsession is dangerous.

I'm also 34 and single, I live my life for now. If kids happen, great, if not, hopefully I've done other fulfilling things with my life. Tbf though, I don't want babies (so it's adoption or if a new partner already had kids only for me) so I don't have baby broodiness to contend with. But I'm just saying, be careful you aren't falling into a trap of thinking its what you're 'supposed' to do and everyone else wants to too.

Society fosters this narrative of marriage, babies ect... and that every woman needs to panic and settle if she hasn't by her mid 30s xD but you don't have to play the game.

See your gp for a chat for a start about your mental wellbeing. Hope you'll feel better soon. You've plenty time to meet a nice man 'settle down' and pop out sprogs one day if it's what you really want. But do it when you're in a good place. Not being driven mad by panic or despair.

What the actual fuck do you do when the sheer pain, fear and panic hits?

Refocus on what I do have. Concentrate on something positive coming up that I am looking forward to , that will be some social event with someone I like..

I'm unlikely to ever have a relationship again but thinking about that is overwhelmingly unbearable so I try to shift focus on what I do have and can do, to stop myself going mad.

Oh I and try to have regular social things to attend of one type or another so that I always have something coming up. Can be simple like meeting a friend or an actual proper event, or hobby activity or whatever.

I get married again 🤣

This is great advice. Always have something planned, with a friend or your family, that you can work towards.

Also learn how to make the most of time alone. Reading and watching TV are great, but you can also learn skills, travel, go walking, get into a huge range of hobbies.

Some kind of hobby that brings you closer to other people would be a great idea too. I have a hobby where I meet with 25 people twice a week and we're honestly like family, it's fantastic.

There are lots of people out there, and you don't need to be alone - nor do you need to be tied down romantically, with all the negatives that brings with it.

I remember that I felt a million times more lonely in a marriage I didn't want to be in.

The question is what are you going to do about it? What can you do about it? What have you done about it so far? I know I'm asking a lot there but sometimes we have to ask ourselves searching questions.

I tried OLD. Asking friends and relatives if they could set me up with anyone. Joined groups. Went speed dating. Nothing... not a single date. So it's clearly me. I've got a great job and regularly go out with my female friends and have a great time with them. But they're all married so it's usually a meal, theatre or spa day type event. Which I enjoy! But I'm not going to meet anyone.

I'm ok for now. I do worry what life will be like when I retire...

I'm usually fine being single. It's been 5 years now with absolutely nothing.
But I've taken teen ds away on a four night hol to Spain and I'm basically feeling lonely. First time in a long time. All he wants is to stay in room,eat in restaurant or play pool by the pool after dinner.So today I've been to the beach and took a little shuttle train thing to the next town and left him. Felt a mixture of guilt,sadness and excitement.
I'm also suddenly invisible at 51! Which is fine and have hardly any interest on the apps when I tried.

The question is what are you going to do about it? What can you do about it? What have you done about it so far?

Giving up, not in a negative way, but let go of the dream of partner/love/children.

Read about single/childless or childfree women.

I’d like to find a support group / like-minded women.

Spend less time with women who have partners and kids, not running to every celebration they have.

Learn about amatonormativity.

Know that having a husband and kids would be a dream come true to the patriarchy, so I’m kind of flipping a middle finger to the it and to the misogyny.

Love that list op!

Just a suggestion but you could also read up on all the damages that having a baby does to women's bodies. Hell after doing my due diligence on that I can't even look at a pregnant woman without wondering if she knows what the little bugger is going to do to her on the way out. And that parts only half of it. (TRIGGER WARNING) There's still other things like haemaroids, gestational diabetes, post natal depression, bladder issues, bad teeth (yes, that one was new to me too! Apparently kids leach calcium from you to grow their bones) and all manner of other horrors...