Ending a marriage

[Balloonson]

I think I’m finally admitting that my marriage is over - we have 2 DC and things haven’t been great since the kids were born. There have been ups and downs of course but the last couple of years have been awful. It isn’t just one person to blame but I’ve been deeply hurt by DH and I feel like I just can’t go through the heartbreak of it any more, I have nothing left to give. I have been so resistant to splitting but now it feels like it’s staring me in the face.

Those of you who have ended marriages/long term relationships (especially with kids) - how did you deal with the guilt? The sense that you are breaking up a family? Any advice for getting through it and staying strong? I keep questioning myself and going back over and over it…

Anyone?

It depends on lots of factors. The two main ones for me are how much money you have and how old the children are?

Thank you - the children are teens, and I have a good job and probably enough money to live independently.

What is causing your guilt? Why do you feel heartbroken? Is there something specific.
it’s hard being in your own. It’s liberating and can feel like a big weight off your shoulders. it’s hard, especially at first. Not just financially but emotionally - it really is a rollercoaster. Have you really fallen out of love? It’s hard starting again. Have you both given up on your marriage? You need to both work at it, if not definitely doomed sadly.
its hard for kids, I think teenage years are tough anyway so this will potentially be quite difficult on top. Will contact be good after? I think the more amicable then the better.
moving forward and in time meeting someone new is really tiring. So if you don’t want to be alone then be prepared for the joys of online dating ha ha.
look it’s not all doom and gloom but it can be lonely and I guess what I am saying is ask yourself all of these questions. Get some sort of network set up so that you are not stuck in by yourself. When you are married a lot of your friendship circle are, and doing activities suddenly becomes a little trickier when you are on your own. All of that said, I could buy floral bedding - the first thing I did ha ha. I wasn’t allowed it before when I was married. How stupid is that. But the joy, oh the joy it brought, because I couldn’t do what I wanted. I didn’t walk in egg shells anymore, my kids struggled but my new found happiness helped them through. It was tough but brilliant all at the same time. Take your time, make sure you are sure and when you are just blooming enjoy life, we are only here once xx

My marriage has been unhappy for many years for various reasons, there's not been any intimacy or even any kind of partnership or companionship for several years. But it was the guilt that prevented me from leaving, and the fear of ruining our children's lives.
In the end I reached a point where I just felt I can't carry on living like this. Also, was concerned about the example we were setting our children about relationships. My seven year old think it's perfectly normal for mummy to share a room with her whilst her dad sleeps in a different room.

Around Christmas I found the courage to tell my husband. Initially he was very difficult and was making me feel awful about the whole thing. But then about a month ago he suddenly said that he has realised that this will no longer work, and he's accepting that we are separating.
We told the kids yesterday. The older one, a teen, seemed quite indifferent and not at all surprised. The younger one cried a lot and asked a lot of questions, and still asks a lot, and I try to answer the best I can. I feel her reaction has been very healthy and she's now even a bit excited about having two homes in the future, and two toothbrushes!!! I'm more worried about the teen due to the lack of reaction, but hopefully it will all be ok.

I now feel such relief, and for the first time in ages I am looking forward to the future. The communication between my ex and me has also improved a lot, and we can now discuss everything more openly without the tension that has been around for years.

Good luck, it will be fine.x