Looking to get some neutral advice on a very tricky situation and to know if I over reacted.
My ex and I since the past year out of a 10 year relationship have been co parenting in "harmony". This has been a massive challenge for me to get to this point because he was emotionally abusive, and physically a couple times earlier on in the relationship. He also cheated several times, including while I was pregnant, and over all was a dreadful partner.He had a split personality. He was mostly funny, jovial, affectionate (sex was amazing) and we actually got a long 95% of the time. However he had a rough childhood, was a gambler and obsessed with drugs and the party lifestyle which was the point of contention between us as I tried to "sober" him up, and he resented me and the 2 children for it. He wanted to be free of his demons but never could manage it.
So I walked away finally, and we now live in separate countries.
The main reason I got back to being his friend is because he had a revelation last year and apologised sincerely for all he put me through and he was taking steps to overcome his addictions with 12 step programs/ GA etc.
We start sleeping together this year once again, he has seen the kids 3 times this year in our country prior to the holiday and we decided, although we're not an item, we'd continue to be intimate because neither of us was seeing anyone else. No physical contact at least. We would speak every day, would be flirty through messages and generally just acting like a long distance couple, without the title. Stupid I know, and of course a recipe for disaster keeping sex in the mix. However I thought it was harmless at the time.
7 days before our holiday he announces that he has made a connection with a woman he met at a party a week prior. I told him I was happy for him, but now didn't feel like we could go on this intimate holiday as we had planned all these months if he was striking up a new relationship. He assured me that nothing had changed, he would be attentive and present (because he had JUST met her) and we'd still have the holiday we imagined. I was dubious, and cried when I got off the phone because I had a feeling things could go wrong.
The night we arrived (first went to his country before travelling all together to Greece), the children and I, the ex was very sweet and looked so happy to have us there. We had sex that night, and in the morning everything seemed like we were on track for a nice holiday. However he had to work that day and was 3 hours late back home from the time he said he'd be. I grilled him on it because he couldn't meet my eyes when he entered and he said he had been with the new woman. After kids were in bed, I calmly let him know how hurt I was and that I didn't think we should make it to Greece after all because this was not what I signed up for and spent so much money to do. He apologised profusely, saying he didn't think I would be bothered as we're not a couple anymore but he would try not to keep talking to her while on holiday and focus on the children and I.
Throughout the duration in Greece he ignored me mostly during the day, texting with her, sending her photos etc, then as the late afternoon would come he'd start cosying up to me and would initiate intimacy each night. Mid way though the holiday, one evening I put the kids to bed and he had gone out to FaceTime with her. He came back very angry and said "I've now lost the woman I love because I had to confess that I was having sex with you"... I was floored by this and just got as far away from him as I could. It really triggered old memories of something heinous he had done in the past and in the morning I calmly told him how hurt and humiliated I was that he had brought me this far into the holiday only to purposely cause me pain.
Lots more happened after this, but explaining it all will drag the story out even longer, but the final came when we had left Greece and travelled back to his country for the last few days of vacation. He disappeared again to go and speak to her, so when he returned, I was calm but the following morning I kicked off. Screaming and swearing and insulting him with words I never use, then I abruptly booked a flight (5days earlier than our scheduled one) and I left that afternoon with the children. He will now use this angry episode of rage to make me look bad to everyone and tell them I am crazy, but I am wondering if he will tell the whole story of the 3 weeks we had together leading up to my anger.
Was my reaction out of line (probably), but am I a bad person for not being sorry and feeling I was justified after the mess he created (and I allowed)? Sadly the children witnessed my tirade, so that is where I definitely fucked up, but at that moment I felt so much anger that it was the only thing I could do to stop myself throwing something physically in his face.
Sorry for the long message, but I was hoping to avoid the drip feed.
Any advice on what I should do when he tries to approach me to talk about what happened? Is this acceptable behaviour, and how do I navigate co parenting at a distance without having to engage with him. Kids are 2 and 7.