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Original poster

i need insight on a new relationship!

24 replies

Alexlvds · 29/08/2023 23:50

For the past 3 months I've been texting a guy, and me and him have been texting every day (every single day) the conversation comes from both sides, we have a lot in common.
After some time we finally meet, everything goes perfects, a beautiful date we kiss on the lips at the end of the date, everything wonders. But after he stoped engaging in the conversation saying he doesn't have time for me in his life...
(in a relashionship)
I was okay and, HE asks if I can still talk with him, I liked him so I was okay. After some days I found out he was seeing other pp and having sex with them and saying to me that he don't have time for me. I got really mad and jealous and tried to stop talking, but after some time he asked me if we can still talk again......
He told me that on his way to work he thought of me, I got mad BC ''he thinks about me but doesn't want to see me?''
We keep talking and now he stopped responding telling me that I am suffocating him and he doesn't have time for me... again and I should stop talking to him with a menace that he will block me if I talk to him again....
now I have stoped any interaction with him, I don't know if he likes me or what is going on and I would like some insight from other pp on the situation.

he is a nice guy at heart with some values, he is not the typical egocentric or narcisic type.......

THANKS! Alex

OP posts:
Laneymoo · 29/08/2023 23:54

Sorry OP, but cut him loose cause he is wasting your time. He is keeping you on the back burner for when he's bored. When I was dating one of the best things I read was "if he likes you, you'll know" and it's so true! There won't be this messing around with someone genuine.

delphi13 · 30/08/2023 00:22

He is breadcrumbing you and will return to you each time things are a bit slow with other women. I'm afraid he's an arse and does not deserve your time.

TGGreen · 30/08/2023 00:27

You're an ego boost. He sounds well practiced in mirroring you until he had you hooked, then breadcrumbing just enough to keep you on the line. He's just not that into you and given enough time will drive you insane (I only read the first couple of paragraphs). Run for the hills.

GreyCarpet · 30/08/2023 06:47

What they said.

delphi13 is right. He is breadcrumbing you. Giving you just enough to keep you around for when things are slow with other women. An ego boost. That's all.

Basically, you're getting a version if him that 'works' on you Inc managing you by telling you youre suffocating him, not to contact him and he'll block you if you do, which you're obeying, whilst still wondering if he likes you! And it's why he can do all this (and sleep with other women and tell you about it) and still have you describe him as a nice guy.

He's not a nice guy. He's an arsehole.

Aprilx · 30/08/2023 06:55

That isn’t even a relationship OP. It is somebody messing you around and no he definitely doesn’t like you.

EVHead · 30/08/2023 06:57

He’s an utter waste of your time. Next!

Justcallmebebes · 30/08/2023 07:18

He's a complete fuckwit who's messing with your head. End of

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/08/2023 07:33

He’s just using you for his ego and validation

he has someone who he likes but it’s on and off

so when it’s off he uses you for attention and to feel better

cut off his oxygen supply !

Epidote · 30/08/2023 07:45

I think he want shags and a friend. If you are not looking for any of those cut him loose.

Blueturtle15 · 30/08/2023 07:53

This is a common theme in today's dating world. Phones and dating apps have made so many people get greedy and want more. No longer is one person enough for many ego based people of both genders! This isn't just men. Women too. Constantly craving the rush and exciting feelings. The value of people has gone and relationships are not as important to some people now times have changed. Its not right. It's not fair. They mislead. For 5 minutes you was exciting to him. But that's as far as his brain takes him. The chase! That's it. Not the long term. He's not thinking of settling down and building up a meaningful life. He's thinking whether he can pull that filtered bird he saw on tinder last night. He's thinking how good it feels to have several sources of attention and supply..he's got different values to you. So leave him there and you need to level up. Your standards are higher so leave him where he is and wave goodbye. Yes you are going to hurt. But if you stay you'll end up in a cycle of hot and cold back and forth behaviour and always worrying about who can steal his focus of you. You deserve better. You are better off alone than chasing after some looser chasing girls on his phone instead of living a real life with a person by his side he can grow with.

ErosandAgape · 30/08/2023 08:02

Oh, OP, it’s depressing that you think this is even a ‘relationship’. Just delete his number and don’t give him another thought.

GreyCarpet · 30/08/2023 08:04

ErosandAgape · 30/08/2023 08:02

Oh, OP, it’s depressing that you think this is even a ‘relationship’. Just delete his number and don’t give him another thought.

Sadly, this.

It isn't a relationship. Well, it is in the sense that it's an interaction between two people, but its not the sort of relationship you are looking for.

yellowsmileyface · 30/08/2023 08:31

The general advice on MN is not to text loads before meeting, and for this reason. It elicits a false sense of intimacy before you know where you stand.

Sorry to say this guy is using you. He's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with you, but he's giving you just enough to give you hope that that could change, so he can use you for sex and an ego boost.

He's not a nice guy and your values aren't aligned. You can do better.

TheAverageJoanne · 30/08/2023 08:34

Epidote · 30/08/2023 07:45

I think he want shags and a friend. If you are not looking for any of those cut him loose.

You don't treat a friend in the way he is acting with the OP.

ElizabethVonArnim · 30/08/2023 08:37

Wow! Dating is HARD! This isn't a relationship; this is an ego boost (for him). Even if he seems nice and IS nice in other aspects of his life, this is quite an unkind and disrespectful way of proceeding with you.

You have got your hopes up but he has told you that he doesn't have time in his life for you and is seeing other people, so this is not a relationship that will make you happy.

You should pull back now.

CapEBarra · 30/08/2023 08:40

This man is taking up your time and your brain space. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. He just wants you to feed his ego. He is wasting your valuable time and energy. Block and move on.

Ladyj84 · 30/08/2023 08:46

Erm where's the relationship lol. Your thinking it could be more he's having fun that's it

pilates · 30/08/2023 08:48

Block and move on

DatingDinosaur · 30/08/2023 08:52

You both want different things.

You like him and want a relationship to develop.

He's telling you about these other women in the hope that you'll take the hint he doesn't want to get into a relationship. You're not taking the hint so he got nasty. And still you're wondering if there's a chance.

It's a horrible feeling when you realise someone you like doesn't feel the same - a dent to your ego - but it's time to come to terms with that and let this one go.

Epidote · 30/08/2023 09:44

@TheAverageJoanne selfish people do, and he is not a catch isn't he?

CurlewKate · 30/08/2023 09:56

At this stage you should be desperate to see each other. Dump.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 10:00

You have a You problem. You need to ask yourself why your standards are so low that you continue to engage with this blatantly horrible man. He's playing you for a fool and you're allowing it.

Seaoftroubles · 30/08/2023 10:24

OP he is not a nice guy and you are not in a relationship. Block him and raise your bar.

ShellySarah · 30/08/2023 10:28

After some days I found out he was seeing other pp and having sex with them and saying to me that he don't have time for me. I got really mad and jealous and tried to stop talking, but after some time he asked me if we can still talk again......

Why didnt that make you want to block and delete him.

I've had a penpal. And that's all this guy will ever be. I got drawn into mine in Covid so it was kind of more acceptable as we weren't actually allowed to meet.

This guy isn't offering anything and I bet he isn't posting about you on forums.

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