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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Complication situationship - need advice & support

20 replies

Bonnie3944 · 29/08/2023 21:45

myself (22 F) reconnected with an ex (22 M) in June, he admitted he still loved me & wanted to give our relationship one last chance because he was certain he could make it work this time. (Last time we broke up was simply down to constant miscommunications leading to arguments). We started talking as if we were together but agreed we’d take our time before making things official, we both agreed we would still be loyal to each other regardless, he deleted his dating apps etc. Things were going really well, flirting, constant phone calls, good morning texts, we would stay up all night long talking cause we ‘didn’t want the conversation to end’, playful banter.
Cut to around 2 weeks ago, his replies suddenly died down, slow replies & small talk, I asked him if all was okay between us & he assured me we were good, he claimed he was just busy & was having family problems, I let it go & carried on talking as normal, but he kept getting progressively drier & slower to reply back to me. I tried so hard to be understanding given he said he had problems going on at home, so I offered to give him some space so he could focus on his family, he blew up & kept insisting he doesn’t want space & wants to talk to me. He said I’m not being very understanding etc. So we carried on talking, the conversations were getting less & less each day & I could feel things were slowly dying off despite him assuring me all was fine between us.
The one day he messaged me after leaving me on delivered all day, saying he’s having a bad day & had some bad news in his family that he doesn’t want to talk about, he then asked for space, he specifically asked for 2 days, no texts or calls, so I did as he asked, I left him alone entirely, he then turned his location off & didn’t message me till a week later & suddenly turned his location back on, no apology or explanation as to why he vanished for longer than he asked for, just casual small talk. We had a very short conversation which he ended with just a single emoji. Another week has passed & still not heard from him, he’s active on socials, snap score going up, he’s liking girls ig posts, posting TikTok vids, yet he was ‘too busy’ to talk to me.
Am I just being paranoid? How do I go about this situation? Do I just go ghost without an explanation or do I bring up the issues to him? :/

OP posts:

MissHarrietBede · 29/08/2023 21:52

Block, delete, next!

He’s keeping you on a string for an ego boost while he shags around.

category12 · 29/08/2023 21:53

He's messing with you. Just block.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 29/08/2023 21:57

Dont waste your youth and time on some dick who doesnt see your worth. He is not worth it. Move on and up.

porridgeisbae · 29/08/2023 22:08

He's worth blocking based on this behaviour and then the liking other girl's instas is the icing on the cake. Block on everything and please never get back with him again.

Olika · 29/08/2023 22:15

If he was serious about you he would make it happen.

blacksax · 29/08/2023 22:24

He's a timewasting tosser. He wanted one more chance and said he was certain he could make it work this time. He's failed dismally.

Dump him.

mummymeister · 29/08/2023 22:29

He is done with this relationship. you need to accept this and move on. it doesnt matter what the reason is or why he is done but he just is. so accept it, deal with it and stop chasing him around. Some men just like to be adored, to have fans. he may be one of them. whatever the case, it actually all boils down to the same result. he isnt that in to you and this constant worrying, messaging, chasing, stalking him on other social media has to stop for you so that you can get another more meaningful life. its hard but there it is.

Original poster

Bonnie3944 · 29/08/2023 22:33

Thank you all for the replies, I really needed to hear the harsh truth of it to push me to cut him off. I’m sick of deluding myself & making excuses for him.

OP posts:

mummymeister · 29/08/2023 22:35

Bonnie3944 · 29/08/2023 22:33

Thank you all for the replies, I really needed to hear the harsh truth of it to push me to cut him off. I’m sick of deluding myself & making excuses for him.

you deserve better than this. its just a waste of your time and energy now. block him on everything stop looking at his posts etc and move on. if he tries contacting again, just say thanks but no thanks.

category12 · 29/08/2023 22:35

It's just very disrespectful of him. You're better off out of it.

UneFoisAuChalet · 29/08/2023 22:39

Just stop. Don’t block him. But mentally ‘block’ him if you know what I mean. He is so irrelevant to you that you can’t even be arsed to block him.

Don’t text, don’t cyber stalk, just put him to the back of your mind - no matter how hard it is. And then, after a while, he’ll be ‘hey, where’s Bonnie?’ And he’ll text you and expect you to jump. But you won’t, you won’t care at this point, you’ll probably have met a new guy, so you’ll leave him on delivered for a nice amount of time and then reply nonchalantly and then not at all.

He's now officially on your shit list. Shit list = people who will never get a rise off you, people who you don’t waste a single minute thinking about, people who don’t deserve you.

Original poster

Bonnie3944 · 29/08/2023 22:47

UneFoisAuChalet · 29/08/2023 22:39

Just stop. Don’t block him. But mentally ‘block’ him if you know what I mean. He is so irrelevant to you that you can’t even be arsed to block him.

He's now officially on your shit list. Shit list = people who will never get a rise off you, people who you don’t waste a single minute thinking about, people who don’t deserve you.

Edited

I had thought of doing this, instead of blocking him, cause I feel like blocking would give him some sort of advantage cause it would make it seem like I’m hurt etc. I’ve muted him on socials, not viewed his profiles, his stories & I do intend to leave him on delivered when he does message. Every time I try to move on or start seeing someone els, he comes back to repeat history over & over again.

OP posts:

UneFoisAuChalet · 29/08/2023 22:53

No, it’s over. This is the last time he’ll pull you in. He’s a dick and wasting your time. Take off the rose tinted glasses, this will never be a fairy tale romance. He’s treating you as if you are disposable and you’re not. You rock and if he can’t see it - his bloody loss. Look forward to the next time he texts you wanting attention and you tell him ‘gimme two days as I have a lot of things on’ and make sure you like everything stupid thing on SM that he can see. Prick.

Patchesofdrizzle · 29/08/2023 23:02

I think you should block him - you don't need him popping up again in a few months.

If he takes you blocking him as an ego boost, he's pretty deluded, as you know you're blocking him as just don't want to have to deal with him again. Block him and you can start to forget him, keeping in contact so you can rebuff him in the future is giving him space in your head.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/08/2023 23:03

There's a lot of truth to that movie He's Just Not That Into You.
If a guy's interested, he'll let you know. If you have to question anything, he's just not into you.

Don't let him waste any more of your time. Move on and let this one go.

category12 · 29/08/2023 23:18

Thing about not blocking him is, are you really going to stick to ignoring him and not getting sucked back in by him? If this has happened again and again, then sorry, but I doubt your self-control.

Why does it matter if he might think you're hurt? He knows he's been an arsehole, it's not news to him. It doesn't give him an advantage to be blocked, it stops his access to you, so how can he have an advantage. He gets an advantage by you pretending it's all fine so he can chat away to you like he hasn't behaved like a ginormous asshat.

Consequences of being an arsehole is the door shut in your face. Blocking him is the equivalent.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 23:33

@Bonnie3944 you are only 22 there is SO much fun to be had with so many other men (and friends, and adventures, and hobbies) please don't waste another second on this boy who has shown you he's not willing or capable of committing to or even respecting you enough to respond right now (even in casual set ups I'd expect a text back!)

Focus your energy on yourself and meeting new people he is nothing special he is just a bit familiar which can be comforting for a moment - but you won't have anyone new becoming familiar unless you get rid of this guy and stop being emotionally faithful to him as he sure as hell isn't to you x

PandorasBox10 · 29/08/2023 23:44

I’d like to know where he was for those two days he asked for space and more specifically who he was with. He is stringing you along. He gives you the minimum input so he can stay in the picture and get as others have said here an ego boost, whilst putting in little to no effort himself. I’d honestly forget about him. Next time he texts you, just give him the same treatment he gave you. Fair is fair right? Leave him on read and get on with your life. Don’t let him in ever again, only you can let him in. You hold the key to your door, take it back from him. Meet with people who will treat you well and prioritize you, this man does not care about you x

Grendell · 29/08/2023 23:47

If he wanted to contact you, he would. He does not.

There is really nothing complicated about this situation. You will encounter it again. If a man wants to be with you, they would make every effort to be with you. They would not have excuses, quiet times and non-responsiveness.

Whatonearth07957 · 01/09/2023 20:10

People are very strong with the block but if you need closure wish him all the best but it's not working for you...then block or don't but mentally disengage from this hot and cold. You need to move on.

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