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Original poster

Child's dad left.....

12 replies

Kitpandora · 29/08/2023 19:45

Wondering if anyone has any insight into this guys thinking.
My baby's dad left us before baby was born as he had met someone else. He moved in with her and her own kids and never made contact with us again.
Due to this has never met the kid and I couldn't put him on the birth certificate.
Moving on to just after her 3rd birthday and out of the blue he gets in contact via lawyer for access. This is the first he'd made contact since months before baby was born.
Obviously I couldn't get my head around this as he was still with that same woman and happy with her from what i'd heard on the grapevine and had no interest in the kid up until then. So why a random interest now?
I replied to his lawyer agreeing to discuss access, etc but they never got back to me. He disappeared again.
Now, this has been playing on my mind for a while now, why would he decide out of nowhere to show interest in her and then when I agree to entertain that idea he disappears again?
Now, despite what he did, this is actually an intelligent guy with a good job so running out of money certainly wouldn't have been the issue nor would a reluctance to pay child support. So what do you all think?

  • He doesn't pay child support as originally I had no idea where he was and then it got to the point where I had no interest in him or his money. I know she is entitled to it and we might cross that bridge at a later date but that's not why I've posted this.
OP posts:
OfMiceandWomen · 29/08/2023 19:53

Maybe he was trying to look like a concerned father who was interested in having a relationship with his son.
He might be getting pressure from other people saying that he really a shit Dad.

BananaSlug · 29/08/2023 20:23

Guilty conscience? My ex often gets in contact then doesn’t bother again, my ex didn’t see the kids for 2 years, contacted again and now doesn’t bother 🤷‍♀️ no one knows why only them. But likely guilty conscience.

Andthereyougo · 29/08/2023 20:44

Whim? Curiosity? Pressure from his parents ? New partner wants to play happy blended families?
Keep the evidence of him getting in touch then not following up as it doesn’t show commitment and who knows what he’ll choose to do next week/month/year.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 20:52

How strange. Maybe he just wanted to see out of curiosity and he's got cold feet.

Ps please go to the child maintenance agency- they can get money from him without you having any contact with him or having to give contact to your child. If he has a good job say 80k a year, that's £800 a month that you could be putting into a savings account for your child - 15 years of that and she'll have enough to buy a home
Saved for her. Or you could put her through private school in secondary. Keep her out of student debt. Pay for her wedding and honeymoon. Etc etc!

Original poster
Kitpandora · 30/08/2023 16:18

@OfMiceandWomen I had considered that but so many years passed before he attempted contact and he's been with that woman since before baby was born so, if she's aware that he has a kid and I assume she is, you'd think she'd have told him to get in touch years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitpandora · 30/08/2023 16:35

@Andthereyougo I've kept all of the correspondence between the lawyers and all the letters. I'm guessing he knows that if he trys again at some point it will now look bad that he's disappeared again. That's what makes it strange because he just messed things up for himself in future if he ever wants contact.

OP posts:
Epidote · 30/08/2023 16:38

He wanted you to refuse contact to start a legal fight or show off your response making you look the bag guy in all of this. As you said what he didn't wanted to hear he just forgot about it. Miraculously he forgot!
Is trying to impress someone else. It is not about guilt is about his looking good in other people eyes.
Certainly not under your eyes or his own kid.

Original poster
Kitpandora · 30/08/2023 17:39

@Unexpectedlysinglemum yes it could be that. He lives local to us so has seen her when we've been out and about in town (and ignored her every time) so maybe he just took a notion to see her and then changed his mind

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitpandora · 30/08/2023 17:59

@Epidote A few people have said similar, that he just wanted to start a fight or was doing it to get my attention. We've obviously both moved on so it would be strange for him to do that but who knows!

OP posts:
Epidote · 30/08/2023 20:47

@Kitpandora I'm inclined to think that because you mentioned his interest was vague and as soon as you try to facilitate the contact he disappeared. He already has a layer letter asking you for contact and God knows what kind of lies he is telling to his friends, family and accuantices waving the letter in the air like "look a me I'm a god father"

I wouldn't give it a second thought. He doesn't deserve it.

Original poster
Kitpandora · 31/08/2023 15:40

Thanks for your replies everyone x

OP posts:
lincolngirl1097 · 31/08/2023 19:18

Make sure you apply for some child support, you're entitled to it and so is your child. Even if you don't spend it and put it in savings for her until she is older

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