Don’t forget being a victim is sometimes just self pity and a guilt conscience

[doubtingmyselfagain]

I’ve NC’d for this post as I’m posting actual messages I’ve been sent.

I’ve had what I’d describe as a distant relationship with DM in comparison to my sister. Me and my family (3DC) are never included in shopping trips, days out, family holidays, celebrations etc. There are often little lies, nothing huge but stuff that it’s ridiculous.

There have been so many times I’ll bring stuff up and I get shit down and told I’m making something out of nothing. But it’s now got to the point my eldest notices than my nephew has sleepovers, has days out, theatre trips etc. I can deal with it (just) but I can’t let my children enter this toxic cycle.

I messaged DM and said I’m struggling a little with it all and I’d love it if we could do similar things / be treated equally. She replied and asked if I can honestly say I treat my 3 DC the same and then finished her message with “Don’t forget being a victim is sometimes just self pity and a guilt conscience”.

I am broken. I think I knew deep down that nothing would change but a grown adult (60+) responding to their child in this way.

I haven’t replied and can’t. I think I’m done but it has such a wider impact than just affecting me.

I know nobody has the answer for me and it’s something I need to do, I could just do with a hand hold. She genuinely makes me feel like I’m going mad and actually I am the problem.

'Mum, I don't think I could tell DS that he has self pity and a guilty conscience when he raised the issue of cousins being treated differently'.

That is really hurtful and disappointing. You reached out and your DM took the opportunity to wound you. Remember that this has nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with her issues 💐

Unbelievable. I’d be so hurt. And actually it’s because she seems to be saying she personally has a favourite child and be totally unashamed of that.

Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and try and put as little weight in the relationship as possible.

Id probably say..yes i guess favourites are inevitable, been fighting the guilty consience of preferring my MIL, thank you for understanding.