Insecure about body

[Dayna67]

Hi everyone I am struggling with feeling insecure about my body and wanted to see if any other moms feel this way.

I am not insecure about any other part other than my stomach. Fyi, I am 55kg, I weight train 4/5 days a week so I am very toned and have defined muscles, I’m quite flat chested but actually pretty happy about that, I have a perky bum, in general I am somewhat sized and shaped like a child but I am very comfortable this way lol!

the issue is, I had a twin pregnancy. I was stretched so much that it was inevitable I would have loose skin. I had done research into twin pregnancy, twin mamas and how their bodies looked and I was prepared to have the loose skin and had no worries about it at all. I was just thankful to carry 2 healthy babies.

I am still very thankful & would do it all over again. However, as the years pass and I am left with this loose skin I am becoming more and more insecure. It’s disheartening that no matter how hard I workout, loose skin cannot be corrected. Therefore I am left with a mid section that I constantly have to cover and hide beneath high waisted leggings and clothes. I think what bothers me is that I am still young - late 20s and from my early 20s I have had a stomach that I have to hide. I see other females my age and ladies alot older than me at the gym and they are able to wear sports bras with their tummies on show and I just have to keep covered all the time.

now, I have mentioned to my partner many times how I want to have a tummy tuck one day. He is 1000% against this, to the point it makes him furious when I mention it and he has said he would leave me if I was to do it. His view is that, he’s worried about the risk of me dying (as his mothers friend died during a tummy tuck procedure), he also states that nothing will fix my stomach, that it still won’t ever be the same as it was before. I have explained to him that Ofcourse it can never be the same, but it can be alot nicer. Besides that I have separated ab muscles where they split during pregnancy.

it is bothering me every day. I have learnt to just get on with it, there are people in far worse conditions. But it really affects my confidence so much. It affects my sex life as I am NEVER 100% comfortable during sex because I am constantly worried about how my stomach looks. I try to hide it either wearing a top during sex but when I am naked I spend alot of the time during sex just dreading certain positions (like being on top of him) where my skin will just be hanging loose for him to see. It is really upsetting to me as it affects my confidence and I’m never fully relaxed.

today me and my partner went swimming. I have to wear an all in one swimsuit - the type of ones little girls wear. Although people may think I look great, no one realises I have loose skin under the swimsuit. Looking around and seeing other girls my age wearing bikinis with their perfect tummy’s, and even seeing older women in bikinis and I can never wear one. It makes me feel sad, I want to look pretty and I want to wear a bikini and look sexy.

my question is… do you ever feel insecure about your body? AIBU to feel this way?

Honestly, yanbu but I’m telling you from someone who is twice your weight, you will be the only one bothered by this. I also dream of a tummy tuck, I’ve had 4 dc, no twin pregnancies but I was HUGE with my first and I’ve had a droopy stomach since, and I was only 20. I hate DH seeing it touching my stomach, hate it. But he has no issue with it. I can understand your DH’s reluctance about the tummy tuck, it’s not without its risks. But I also sympathise with you being uncomfortable. It’s not nice to never feel comfortable in your own skin. I don’t have the answer, you have to find acceptance somehow I guess. And I need to take my own advice. Fwiw, I’ve never thought of a one piece as something a little girl would wear. Bikinis were never in my future, dc or not. You can get great high waisted ones.

while you're probably the only one who notices and cares about it, you're also the only person whose opinion matters

the unreasonable person is your partner - there are people who died following dental procedures, does it mean he never goes to a dentist?

not to mention that split stomach muscles can lead to health issues

How dare he tell you what you can and cannot do with your body. Its absolutely your choice and if you can afford it you should do it. I hate this toxic positivity that we're all supposed to love ourselves, it's fine for minor stuff but if it's something that damages your confidence so much it effects your sex life and what you're wearing you have every right to change it. Horrible unsupportive husband you have. Some men get like this because they are afraid their wives will be attractive to other men, it's controlling.

Gosh I sympathise entirely. I am looking into a mini tummy tuck. Like you I work out and am a healthy weight but I think the loose skin makes my waist look thicker than it should. I can understand why your partner is against it but it not hp to him and it's you who has sustained damage from birthing his kids.

I do think though that it is bothering you so much you should explore working on your self esteem.

Completely empathise with you and understand your husbands fear as well. There are really flattering one piece bathing suits on the market these days. Or 2 piece bathing suits that cover the middle like a Halterneck style.
Have you looked into non surgical procedures? EMS sculpting?

You poor thing. I understand your partners worries but he can’t forbid you to have a tummy tuck. Especially seeing that it Neman’s so much to you. Make sure you check reviews and go with the most reputable surgeon you can afford. Adhere to pre-OP routines and aftercare. You’re so young now, you’ll heal very well and get your life back. Be prepared for a large shark bite scar though.

If it is affecting you like this then you should go for it. After many years of feeling unhappy about similar issues I went ahead and had a mommy makeover, lipo, tummy tuck and breast lift. I cannot tell you how much happier it has made me and not just with my physical appearance. My partner was totally supportive and onboard with it. Of course there are risks but your partner should try to understand that it’s not just about the physical changes you will benefit from but the mental well-being too. Maybe you could book a consultation and have your partner attend. Their fears could be addressed and if someone else can explain to them how much better you will feel in yourself that might help them to understand. Your relationship and the family as a whole, can only improve if you feel happier in general. My only regret is that I didn’t have it done sooner.

I can see both his perspective, given his direct experience of what can go wrong, and yours. I'm generally a believer in if you're unhappy about something and there's a fix you can afford, go for it. But in your case, unless you can persuade your partner that it's safe, you might be looking at a choice between that and your relationship.

I’d say almost all women have an area of their body they hate or are really insecure about.

sp while you’re there hating your stomach. Another woman might be looking at you and thinking- wow look at her perfect teeth I hate mine so much and am embarrassed.

and someone might look at that person and say “wow look at her perfect thick hair, I hate my horrible thin short hair”

you just have to realise you can’t be 100% perfect so show off your best bits and don’t care about your worse bits.

personally. I have a perfect toned stomach but my boobs are ravaged (three pregnancies, weight gain then weight loss)
so I can’t wear a nice bikini because of them.