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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling safe, confident and secure after abuse

1 reply

OpenWind · 29/08/2023 15:20

I went through extended intimate partner emotional abuse with infidelity. It was a suprise in that I felt very secure and safe in the relationship with a very high level of confidence. I was suprised by shocking infidelity and subsequent extended emotional abuse and cruelty.

Post abuse, I am really struggling with my new partner as well as generally in life and I'm going to try EDMR.

I want to come up with a set of statements surrounding intimate relationships that I want to begin to feel are "true".

For example, I'd like to feel that I am generally safe, that I am really valuable, that I am sexually attractive. But my mind feels quite muddled as all these kinds of statements are something I've not felt for a long time.

Can anyone share with me the basic statements of security and safety which they believe in their bones to be true, that allow them to live life with a general feeling of low anxiety?

Like: my partner generally has my wellbeing in mind and will be respectful of that.

Like what statements about your relationship do you feel are essential?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 29/08/2023 16:08

Is it possible you've rushed into a new relationship too fast op?

We need to feel secure within ourselves first before we can feel it with a partner.

Statements like
'I am enough'
'I am worthy of love'
'I trust myself to have my own back'
'If a relationship doesn't work for me, I can walk away at any time'

Might be useful.

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