Pre Holiday Arguments

[PottersMarsBars]

Last night while doing my nails I asked DH to get the smaller suitcase out of the loft so I could pack it. He then said he'd rather not use it so we can travel 'light'. I explained why I needed it (toddler stuff) and got an angry response on how he will get the fucking suitcase out of the loft because everything has to be my way. I then threw my paper nail file at him (in a failed attempt to be lighthearted) asking him not to swear. In return I got a munchkin cup full of water thrown at me (hit my breasts) and several other objects. The nail polish remover was all over the floor.

After more shouting from him I went to bed and locked the door. We are due to fly today to my home country and all my excitement has gone. I've never been in this situation before, I'm heartbroken 💔. How do I come back from here?

Once you’ve got to the point of throwing things at each other you need to really ask yourself why you’re still in the relationship. His reaction suggests there’s contempt in the relationship which is very hard to come back from.

Has he tried to talk about it or apologised today? Is this an isolated incident or does he frequently swear and throw things?

I managed to avoid him so far. This is very out of character but a line has been crossed for me.

Is it easy to get stuff from the attic or is it a complete ballache? Could you get a loft ladder put in or failing that, store the suitcases somewhere else.

I kind of agree with your DH. It's not really his job to get the suitcases out of the attic just because you don't feel like doing it and you feel that those ones should be used. Sorry probably not what you want to hear.

And stop throwing things at each other. Also, whats a paper nail file and a munchkin cup?

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Could it have been that you asked him to do it while you were sitting 'doing your nails' e.g. you're sitting doing beauty stuff and ordering him around?

I'm kind of thinking along these lines too. It would annoy me as well. OP, why didn't you just get the suitcase yourself if you wanted it? Genuine question.

Neither of you have behaved well- you threw something first and are trying to minimise it by saying it was lighthearted, but you knew he was annoyed with you when you did it which provoked a reaction that escalated. This does not excuse what he did at all he was wrong to throw the cup back at you but you do seem to be minimising your part in this and are devastated by his actions, not your own.

TBH we've had some stonking rows just before holidays. For me, it was always because I found the stress of getting all the kids stuff ready as well as my own highly stressful - it usually involved lots of planning for keeping them occupied in airports, planes, cars, trains etc, as well as taking snacks and drinks etc.

In the beginning DH would lay HIS stuff out on the bed in about 10 minutes then disappear to go and do some ridiculously spurious and unnecessary job (like painting a fence?) and I would lose my rag with him for not being involved!

Solved it by making huge 'pre-holiday' to do lists and saying 'OK which tasks are you going to do?'

Thank you all for the replies and yes I am paying attention. Pre-holiday stress is part of it but it doesn't excuse mine or his behaviour. The suitcase is easy to get from the loft but the issue is that we had agreed we didn't need it but then I changed my mind. He has no memory of throwing the cup at me. We talked, things are in better mood but I feel this crack is a bit deeper this time.

Where was he planning to pack the toddler stuff?
Let me guess, never even entered his mind, and the mental load is all on you.
But shitty when asked to even help out, let alone plan anything. Then thinking its ok to respond to a joke with abuse. I couldnt be bothered with that in my life.

How can he have no memory of throwing the cup of water at you?! Does he have memory problems? Convenient how he can't remember.