I knew him through uni. We were both in grad school and were in a seminar group together. In July 2021 our group met to get some dinner and drinks. I really liked one of the guys. I texted him 2 days later, asking if he would like to get dinner sometime soon. We met the same week. The date was amazing. He walked me home and we kissed.
He then initiated the second date. Again, the date was great. We had so many things in common. This was also the first time I went to his place after our date and we slept together.
We kept seeing each other from then onwards. I would say on average, we saw each other 1-2x per week. He was traveling a bunch for work. Before I went on vacation (maybe after 6 dates) I asked him about being exclusive. He said he doesn't want to rush things and he doesn't mind if I have fun with other guys too. He was not dating other girls he told me.
After summer we kept seeing each other. After approx. 3 months of dating I asked him where this was going. He said he wants this to become a relationship one day but a relationship is not a contract and it's still a bit too early. We kept dating. Things were going great. Approximately every 3 weeks or so he would spend the weekend somewhere else. Saying he was visiting friends or staying somewhere else because of work.
In December 2021 I gave him an ultimatum. I said that I truly like him, but that I am not willing to be in this situationship any longer and I asked him to either commit to a relationship or I said I wouldn't want to see him any longer. He replied to me admitting he has feelings for me. He said he doesn't know why he is so hesitant. He said he wouldn't forgive himself for letting me go. He is 100% certain about me, but not as sure about other things in his life. He said it was understandable that I want a clear statement now. He's going to use the time and think things over.
We didn't talk for a week. Then he called me. He basically repeated what he had texted me before. I kept saying that we're either a couple or I'm leaving him. He agreed on us being in a 'relationship'.
3 months have passed, then one evening, it was early April 2022, he sends me a text asking me if we could talk. On the phone he tells me he has just broken up with his girlfriend. They were a couple for 3 years. She lived in another town, approx. 5 hours away by car. He has been a coward for not breaking up with her much earlier. He apologised for hurting me and betraying her. He had not loved her for a long time, but he never had the guts to quit things. He admitted that her family had been a major reason for him to stay in this relationship when looking back at it. He got on with them super well. His own family lives in the US.
Would you have given this man a second chance?
Only later, I found out that his ex gf had massive OCDs and that their sex life was non existent.