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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dunno where to start…

8 replies

IndiKid2015 · 28/08/2023 23:35

DH and I have been together for 9.5 years, married for coming up 8.

I feel like we’ve dealt with a disproportionate amount of pressure throughout our relationship and we’ve always come through it together. We’ve dealt with financial and family problems as well as significant health problems, but the latest load of issues (financial problems again) are all of his own creation, throw in another recent health scare and more problems in the extended family that have fallen to me to sort out, and I just don’t feel like I/we can shoulder any more. Financial problems came to a head last week with a bailiff at the door, I had to pay him nearly £1000 to get rid of him which had left the family short for the month. I really want DH to apologise and admit he’s got it wrong and take advice/make a proper plan for sorting out finances but he hasn’t. We’ve had a row tonight because I looked the wrong way at my DSS, I admit I was a bit passive aggressive with DH but I am also pissed off with 9.5 years of his Disney parenting and him always putting his child from his first marriage before the two he has with me. I will miss our nice family times of which there have been lots, I’m also anxious about sharing custody of our children but have we reached the end of the road? I am so tired, I just wanted to vent really.

OP posts:
Newnamehiwhodis · 29/08/2023 04:42

I’m sorry, OP. That sounds awful. Are you going to leave?

Andthereyougo · 29/08/2023 05:03

If he’s not prepared to make financial plans this will go on and on. COL has put most people under pressure and harsh, realistic financial planning is the only way to keep your head above water. Chuck in his poor parenting…..is there any future together?

PaminaMozart · 29/08/2023 05:21

It looks like he has shown you where his priorities are, over and over and over. People rarely change and you are perfectly entitled to do what is best for you and your own children.

Original poster
IndiKid2015 · 29/08/2023 07:03

Thanks for the replies, I’m so torn, I know to leave is the right thing but not seeing my kids every day and seeing them hurt by this is such a deterrent. We’ve got no future if we stay together though have we, I’ve got a decent job with a steady income but I can’t keep financing five of us while he lurches from one disaster to the next can I? His behaviour is so entitled as well, I don’t think I can put up with any more.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 29/08/2023 07:14

You need to get to the bottom of how much he owes. Is it joint debt? As in both names? Are you liable for his debt?

Bailiffs at the door? It's serious. You need to divorce.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 29/08/2023 07:17

Is he just burying his head in the sand ?

There are ways out of debt without the need to divorce

He needs to tell you what he owes though then ring an organisation like step change and get a plan put in place

Ignoring debt isn't the way to go

Original poster
IndiKid2015 · 29/08/2023 07:33

Thanks guys, yes @fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft hes got his head buried in the sand permanently. We’ve already been round this way once but there was a good reason for it last time and we overcame it, I don’t think I want to do it again. The debt is all in his name, we don’t own a house (or anything really) and we don’t have a joint bank account.

OP posts:
Tilllly · 29/08/2023 07:56

Either he comes clean and starts a debt repayment plan, or it's over

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