Kids flew the nest today and I feel sad and wondering what now

[HopeFloatsAbove]

This morning I drove my son and his girlfriend to the airport.
They are moving to Valencia for a couple of years to study and work.

The mum in me feels so proud, yet so utterly sad that this chapter of mine has come to an end somewhat, the once tiny hands of my son, his curious questions and gaze, his never ending energy and drive, the love my children brought over the years, have been replaced with an independent loving successful adults. Both my DC are doing great in life. I am full of pride. Yet so sad that this chapter of being needed in a way has ended.

Anyone relate?

The house just feels so empty and silent.
Helping them pack yesterday felt so sad yet so exciting, and the things they left behind I cannot bring myself to fold, put away and instead I am sat here sobbing a little surrounded by their things.

I have known for weeks that they were flying off towards new adventures so this is no surprise. This time when the kids fly the nest is not spoken off, and although its nice to have the whole place to myself, its the times ahead that I wonder about.

I know this is normal.

And no this is not something new either, the empty nest, I am sure most of us parents go through this period of our lives yet its come soo soon. Where did the years go?

I am left wondering what now? I am single, I have hobbies.

The worry is that now my nest is empty, my house feels silent. I am very active, I run, go to the gym, and work as an artist.

Mums out there, who are perhaps a few steps ahead of me, how is it for you now? How is life?

I do have close friends but choose to be single.

Anyone else want to share how they felt when their kids moved out the nest?

Did you celebrate? Was it hard for a while?

My son moved out to university on Saturday. He was going to join the Navy but decided to do his nurse training instead. My eldest daughter goes back to Uni in a couple of weeks but is staying at her boyfriends and my youngest who is 16 is out with her friends.

The house feels still and so much bigger. I'm cooking a Sunday dinner for 2 when I'm used to at least 5 plus. I do t know where the new place settings are for two of us... we sat side by side but I don't want to 'sit' in one of the kids seats.

I'm contemplative rather than sad

Yes both my DC were very independent, we were fortunate enough to live abroad so this is nothing new to DS. to relocate that is. We are close as a family so this seems all very new to me having an empty house.

I am excited for them. I love that things are going so well after all the ups and downs life has brought us.

Was curious to know if anyone else is in the same chapter and wanted to share how life is going

Ah OP, I’m not there yet as mine are a bit younger but I can see it coming down the line and imagine that I’ll feel the same as you.

I’d guess - allow yourself to feel sad, but keep yourself busy and you’ll adjust to this new chapter.

I don't have personal experience as my kids are still small but I think what you are feeling is totally normal and it will take some time to adjust and for you to find your new normal. I agree with maybe finding things to fill some spare evenings if you find the house a bit too quiet!

I have three DC, very close together in age, late 20s and early 30s now. To be honest I was totally ready, when the last one left, to have the house to myself (I sent their father packing at the same time). In fact though they have kept coming back to study or lick their wounds ever since, not permanently, but a lot! And between them they made sure I wasn't alone in the lockdowns.

They never stop needing you OP, even if it's 'just' as a constant anchor throughout their lives. Live your full and happy life and they will be as proud of you as you are of them.

That said, I'm not sure I would have been quite so sanguine if I didn't have my lovely dog...

Thanks everyone, what lovely replies.

Its weird not having to go to the shops and buy things in bulk, that my son is not barging into the kitchen, raiding the fridge for goodies or taking over my TV snacks. Its the little things.

I have left both my kids a message that my fridge is always open for raids haha. I know for some this seems odd, but our best conversations were over food.

I need a pet for sure. And thanks for sharing @Therunecaster @Bowbobobo @MadamWhiteleigh @Clefable @Theshining82 and everyone else 🙂

My children have flew the nest .
I didn't feel sad in fact I couldn't wait for them to go and start their own lifes .
I'm also single and love it .
When the last one left I had a good sort out as it was only me left and I didn't need all the crap in my home I spent a whole week painting my flat out my colours (white) I made the kids room in my room as it was much bigger and my room became a spare room .
I'm now a minimalist my children still pop over for a visit and all ways no they have a home here.
But it's my time now I do travel alot to different places I love waking up and no my parenting days are over .
I have friends over sometimes the odd bit of company from a dating site 😉.
Enjoy it enjoy your time to do what you want your now free .

My eldest and his girlfriend moved out in October 2021. Youngest already moved out so was on my own. Felt sad for a couple of weeks.

HOWEVER… I use only one loo roll a week. One lot of washing a week. Bills gone down. House is peaceful! Missed them a lot but they’re 5 minutes away and now they’ve given me a gorgeous grandchild so best of all worlds.

Can have my music on loud, go to bed when I want and just me to clean up after !

As someone whose not a DM may I give you my view on this? Your DC are obviously well rounded and happy, they've launched into adulthood and their careers so you've done a good, good job of being their DM. Now it's time to be sad for a bit but also time to reclaim yourself not just as a DM but as the person who gets to please herself. I'm sure your DC will be back soon to visit before you know it

lov the kids but looking forward to having just me and hubby time

I completely relate OP. Last Monday I drove my son and his girlfriend to the station as they’re off to study hundreds of milesway and I won’t see them for months. I spent 48 hours feeling quite sad and tearful (I’m single too) but by Wednesday I had started to snap out of it. Throwing myself to work helps. Today has been more difficult as I have been at home all day on my own.

Mine have all left home, though the youngest is back for a year before picking up his final year at uni. You do have to make an effort to fill the gaps, but there are so many positives. I have cats, I can eat mushrooms every day if I want to (and I do!), I have full control of the TV, I do a lot more archery than I used to, I always know what food I have in the house. I'm single too, and you do have to push yourself to be sociable, but then you start enjoying the freedom.

You are going have some lovely holidays in Valencia, OP. Have you thought about learning Spanish?

a dog 🐶 and possibly two cats are the answer! it’s worked for me. I am also single and so despite loving my own time, am really loving having animals as company.

I've been thinking about this scenario quite a bit lately as oldest due to move out soon.
Im going to investigate moving areas. There are locations I'd like to try out before moving to so I plan to spend a few days in various places to see what I think. Do you want to stay where you are?

But definitely get a pet if your lifestyle allows. Take up new hobbies if you can. Say yes to invitations out etc.

Sending hugs. I'm packing a DD up this week and packed DS off this summer, after seeing off two older DDs a good few years ago.

I had sent them off to university previously, so it wasn't exactly a new exercise, but university has those summer and winter breaks, whereas their departure after university feels a lot more final.

There's a big part of me that really, really hopes their launch will be completely successful. The alternative isn't very palatable. But the reality is hard to transition into. I don't think there's any escaping the feeling you're superfluous. You just get used to it. A lot of people decide to downsize so they have a project to occupy them and so their homes don't seem so big and empty.

My ds lives in Spain...loves it but moved back home for over a month this Summer due to the heat. He can work remotely. So they come and go. And when they arrive there is a great buzz and lots of company and then off they go again. He is heading back later this week now the temperatures have dropped. I am just happy He is having this adventure of living in a beautiful place. My other dc are already moved out but again regularly back and forth. It's different but lovely.

My youngest son moved out 2 Weeks ago. He now lives about 3 miles away. I'm very pleased all 3 of my DC have jobs and are all buying their own homes. I miss my youngest though. When I went shopping I picked up a couple of tins of Heinz spaghetti hoops and DH and I don't like them. I just picked them up on autopilot I think. He came over today to take me to lunch for my birthday. I sent him home with spaghetti hoops and a big chunk of birthday cake. It will be harder for you as your D's will be in Spain but you can visit him. Spain is only 3 hours by plane.

It's a transition time, time to both grieve the old and also to embrace the space and opportunities for the new.

How you fill your life is up to you, but I do think there is some filling required!

For me this is a time to nurture new friendships and volunteer for projects that are important to me. Have a think about what you want to welcome more of into your life OP.

I totally get it - my son is off to Canada in 2 weeks to go travelling! Excited for him but will miss him loads. I am on my own but plan to try and get a horse share that will work around my work. Would love a dog but that is when I retire! At least you can FaceTime - staying in touch is way easier nowadays - when I went in ‘89 it was post restante letters!