Am I in the wrong here?

[Stardust1976]

Hi there mums,
Im really pissed off and I’d like to hear if you believe I’m in the wrong for something… hubby and I have been married for 16 years.. we’ve gone through many (many many) ups and downs but have always stuck through. The other day hubby had my phone and found that I’ve been “checking out guys” on Facebook. I legitimately have not been checking out guys, but I mean Facebook tracks your every move and sometimes I’ll click on a guys profile that I knew from as far back as elementary school. Legit nothing fishy, I just see things like they got married, had kids, posted pictures, whatever. It’s literally just mindless scrolling and me being nosey of others lives ( isn’t that the definition of Facebook?). He legitimately lost it on me, says I’ve done this before and he doesn’t trust me, he’s absolutely pissed, hasn’t spoken to me since he blew up on me. I apologized for the way I made him feel and tried to explain it was literally innocent, no intention to harm or hurt him. I never tried to talk to anyone, pursue anything..am I crazy that I think he’s insane and insecure and deflecting that on me? Like doesn’t everybody do mindless scrolling and come across things they’re curious about? I have no idea how to even talk to him because he doesn’t want to hear any of my excuses. Please help me! I’m so frustrated. I honestly believe I’m a great partner and put my 100% into my family but he makes me feel otherwise. Ugh

It sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to have a nark, or split up.

It seems an extreme response. Is it possible he's up to something? Sometimes cheaters accuse their spouse as a way to deflect from their own suspicious activities.

I do it all the time.. one person's profile leads to another.. then another.. and l think " oh that's Jeff from junior school.. wonder what he's up to" then l have a nosey to see if he's moved or got married.. had kids.. where he works etc.. then l notice another old friend has commented on his profile .. so l have a nosey at theirs .. thinking " oh he's done well for himself..Nice house etc.. wasn't like that at school or the youth club.. it's normal.. doesn't mean you're chatting them up or arranging to meet.. my friends do it too.. then we have a gossip about them.
He's insecure.. or up to something himself.

Yeah not sure why you would have the need to apologise to him.

I think we all get these suggested friend thing on FB, and probably loads of people who check out the past and be nosy.

Relationships can be so tricky. It sounds like your OH is quite controlling seeing he is checking over your phone, activity and who you are looking at, imagine if a co worker did this, would it be any more acceptable?

Let him blow over, but be firm that him taking over like that is not on.

Sounds like there are other areas in your relationship that are fragile. Is this something you can sustain long term?

thanks for your responses so far. Honestly I feel something fishy is up. The guy has his phone locked, does not share the password with me. He has done stuff in the past so now I’m questioning if I need to turn this around on him and if so what would be the best approach for trying not to blow the entire situation out of hand.

If he was behaving responsibly, he'd leave you due to not being able to trust you. There is no place in an adult relationship for what he's currently doing.

You seem to be intent on finding a way to apologise or make him feel better; how is he making you feel, currently? Are you enjoying his behaviour?

What's he like usually? Respectful? Listens to you and prioritises how you feel? Able to disagree, and talk things through to find a compromise?