Please help me get a grip

[Lambzig]

I posted about 4 weeks ago about my relationship ending, but it got a little derailed so I don’t want to post again on that one.

I took the advice to just walk away, but things don’t seem to have got any better. If anything I just feel worse and worse.

I am just as upset as when it ended, I’ve lost a stone, I can’t sleep, I just don’t know what the matter is with me or why it’s hit me so hard. I had fallen in love with him, but we had only been together six months and I didn’t expect it to feel this difficult after a few weeks.

I just got back from a holiday with my kids that was just awful, I held it together for them, but I am just so unhappy.

can anyone please help me how I can get out of this?

How old are you ? Could you be peri menopausal ?

Short relationships can be very emotionally intense and 6 months is long enough to form a significant emotional attachment.

It just takes time and no contact and trying to keep busy with friends/family etc.

I’m 54 so way past that.

Honestly the break up of my marriage was easier.

It doesn’t help that I found out that my best friend was not really my friend in April and although I tried to fix that I had to walk away in the end.

Ex and I have mutual friends so that has isolated me a bit too.

My sister is being great but there’s only so much I can bother her.

You were obviously unhappy before to be thinking of splitting, and I think I remember your post. You just need to keep moving forward. Get stuff planned and think about why you ended it.

Could he have been a covert narcissist and you are trauma bonded?

What’s going on in your world, Op? Are you working? Friends and family around? I wonder if there is something you could add to your routine to shake you out of the ruminating - even if it’s for one evening a week. I’ve been there too and it’s horrible.

It also sounds as though you feel guilty for your depth of feeling about it and are hurrying yourself to feel better/more ready than you are. Setting yourself a timeline for feeling ok will set you up to fail because every blip will make you feel worse. The only way over is through. Feel your feelings. Spend time with people who make you snort laugh or point out that he had a terrible dress sense etc. Book yourself a day trip or something further down the line that you can look forward to and pour yourself into.

I sense that this has hit you so hard because it’s less about the man and more about the value you have placed on him ending your relationship and how that has landed during this period in your life. And I agree that shorter relationships ending can feel more brutal.

Thank you.

I don’t know why it’s so bad. I really fell in love with him. I’ve never felt so understood, so close to someone.

I haven’t spoken to him but he has been messaging me.

it’s a month and I can’t stop crying.