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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to get over the fear of divorce?

3 replies

CantAffordTherapy · 28/08/2023 16:11

Married 4 years. 2 DC. Still together. DH and I aren't getting on. He checks out regularly and then becomes v loving and fun for a few days. He takes me for granted. I don't respect him. He hates work, spends all my money, and his opinions about politics etc are pretty awful. We co habit. I've tried talking to him many times.

I know I've made a mistake but there is no abuse, addiction or other women. I want to leave though

But I can't get over the fear. The main one is that he will turn the kids against me. That they will blame me. Go live with him. I know families where the kids idolise the terrible absent father. I see numerous threads on here about unhappy kids, awful family court for years. I would rather stick it out with DH then risk losing my DC in some way.

I'm spending all night struggling to sleep imagining my kids being neglected by him or him getting custody or them hating me. I know DH can be revengeful and wouldn't rise above anything.

How do I get over the fear? My kids are 2 and 5. The negative thoughts about the future are taking me over and every week I tell myself just to stay.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 28/08/2023 16:27

I understand that this sounds very scary and all-consuming and I feel for you.

I don’t know what the best course of action for you isbut it sounds like when these anxious thoughts are running through your mind this is typical of catastrophising. Some of these things that are running through your mind are unlikely outcomes. But you are are in a scary position right now. Good luck going forward with whatever you choose.

CantAffordTherapy · 28/08/2023 18:34

Thank u @vincettenoir I probably am catrophising but the possibility of losing DC somehow is so dire that I can't bear to risk it

I just know he is so emotionally immature and will make things v horrible. The DC are so happy right now.

I'm so so scared of it. I'm very good at putting up with rubbish. I'm used to it. But I know it's not OK really.

OP posts:
Acornsoup · 28/08/2023 18:49

Talk to your GP and ask for some medication and referral for counselling. Divorce is better than being stuck in a terrible relationship Flowers

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