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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Going through a partners phone

6 replies

anna1999 · 28/08/2023 11:31

Hi all, I went through my partners phone last night. We have been together for 2 years and he has been wonderful - I have never felt like this over someone and I've had some pretty rubbish luck in the past. At the very beginning before we ever really established what we were he had recently split from a very long term relationship that he hadn't been happy in for some time. I have spoken to the ex girlfriend and she had confirmed their unhappiness. However, they both slipped up and he had told me. Trust can take so long to earn and seconds to destroy and even though this was during the uncertainty stage of our relationship it is still in the back of my mind. Anyway, I went through his phone last night for the first time as I just had an inkling? I had seen messages and pictures from the ex girlfriend from all that time ago and although I knew about it, it still hurt to see. There was more than he had told me but I just can't feel normal around him now which breaks my heart. I regret doing this as I feel like I have just opened an already sealed can of worms. Do I confront him? Or is that unfair as we have come a long way since then. I feel awful 💔

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArseHole · 28/08/2023 11:33

What’s he actually done wrong?

Garihairy · 28/08/2023 11:35

Slipped up in what way?

BodenCardiganNot · 28/08/2023 11:35

Does he know you snooped on his phone? That is a breach of trust too.

BigFatLiar · 28/08/2023 11:39

So these are messages from a long time ago? Is he just lazy at tidying up his phone (know the feeling, I have messages from ages ago hanging around).

If these are from before you got together then you need to let go, most people come with some baggage and if you can't accept his past move on. Does he ask you about your previous relationships?

MMmomDD · 28/08/2023 12:15

Cut your losses and leave - if you cant leat the past be in the past?
Or stop being self destructive.

You met him as he was getting out of a long relationship. Getting out of that is bound to be messy. In some ideal world - or in a Hollywood movie - he lays his eyes on you and there are fireworks. And he forgets about everyone and everything else. And never looks back.

Life doesnt work like this.

Unless you found something in his phone that is a recent infraction - you need to deal with your insecurities on your own. Those are YOUR fears that you arent good enough and he doesnt love you as much as he loved her…

He chose not to be with her. He chose to be with you. Let the past go.

Hoosemover · 28/08/2023 13:21

Garihairy · 28/08/2023 11:35

Slipped up in what way?

I imagine he fell into her bed….but I could be wrong

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