DS feeling alienated and friendless

[DoNotBringLulu]

I wasn't sure where to post this, my DS has very low moods at times and it is mostly due to not having a network of friends to spend time with. It stops him from doing things such as seeing bands as he has nobody to go with.

He went to university but it didn't help due to COVID, made no friends on his course as first year it was all online, then he didn't choose modules that included field trips etc. The situation made his social anxiety worse, the low point being having a massive panic attack in front of housemates.He did join a society and met a few people. They are not available and busy over the summer, buy he has a full on temporary job that's taken up his time. A close friend moved to Spain. Recently he went out with some school friends, one of them spent the evening ripping into him (supposedly banter) and he won't see them again.

He says it's a soul destroying way to live, and at the moment he doesn't have time to join groups. He says everyone he knows has a "network" and friends he tries to meet with are busy - I suppose he's not met his tribe of loyal friends. He's planning on travel but says he has to return to this situation.

He says others have a big family network and do things with family. When we went to London on my Birthday he wouldn't speak and his mood was very low, but it was just us, and he and his sister don't speak to each other

It makes me a bit sad to see him like this, and I am trying to support him, hopefully he will see a Counsellor.

Does anyone have a young adult who struggled then found their tribe? He's seen very few friends over the summer and he's always struggled. Thanks and any advice welcome.

I’d suggest joining a club or sport that is group activity. But also talking to his GP if his low mood is causing him to check out consistently.

Is the fall out with his sister just normal sibling stuff or more? This might be something to investigate about why he is struggling to maintain relationships.

how is his personality to you? Does he normally interact well with people?

Thank you @MaPaSpa he's open to joining groups, he tried to join a young person's walking group, but there was a train strike and he couldn't get there; since then he's been working long hours, but when he finishes and before he goes travelling it's an option.

He's already on anti-depressants and the GP suggested I-Talk and volunteering - which he tried and didn't continue as he was hanging around he said with nothing to do.

The fall out with sister - they have got into the habit of running along in the same house and not talking. Their relationship was not good but he hit her 4 years ago and they've not talked since. He apologised but she refused to talk to him or have anything to do with him. They are in a rut and got into this habit - she's forgiven him but says she won't bother as he doesn:t talk to her. Really stupid both if them.

With us - depends what mood he's in, he does chat to his Dad and watches football, he turns to me for emotional support. At times of low mood he won't talk.

He interacts in a friendly way with extended family. He can make friends but he seems to be always on the periphery. I am wondering if he makes enough effort, but he gave me an example of a school friend who could only make time to see him once over the holidays for a couple of hours.

He says it's been like this for years, but due to his current lowood he's not seeing any positives.

He can be good fun, went to a party with some old friends from 6th form who he never thought he'd see again, they are doing different things & hopefully they may meet again.

Sorry for the long answer! This feels superficial compared to really difficult issues on here, but I'm sad to see him feeling so hopeless 🥺