How to get a relationship back with a child ?

[DustyLee123]

DD lived at home until mid 20’s, told me she was a lesbian, then suddenly met a man and moved in with him. From that moment on her relationship with us tanked. I don’t believe he is abusing her in any way, I think she ‘escaped’ home and is living the life she wants.
She makes no effort whatsoever to contact us, but will answer a message usually.
How do we get a good relationship back ? We’d like to meet for a coffee, or buy them a meal. It just feels awkward now, and I don’t know why.

How long has this been going on? Have you offered to cook for them or buy them a meal?

So what happens on birthdays and Xmas?

do you give her gifts and cards?

Do you also wonder if she has reacted out of some form of embarrassment? Said lesbian, now with a man so it contradicts her first statement? She may also be worried that her family may reference the lesbian comment and doesn't want her male partner to hear that? Just thinking of why she would cut you out.

I would just reach out and ask to meet up for a coffee, tell her you miss her.

I sent a card and put money across for her birthday, we did see her for an hour at Xmas to give her presents.

I’ve bought them meals and coffees in the past, but the meeting was uncomfortable, but I don’t know why. I’d like a better relationship. I don’t know where it went wrong. I’ve tried contacting her, I’ve tried giving her space. I don’t know how to make it better.

You haven’t said how long it’s been going on. Have you just met her in her own - could you just ask her if everything is ok, explain that you miss spending time with her?

It’s been about 2 years since she first moved out.
We don’t get to meet her alone, she always seems to want to bring him. He is a nice chap, I’ve no problem with him, with the few times we’ve met him.
I feel like, if I were to say I was missing her, it would be taken as some firm of control or mental manipulation. I don’t want to get it wrong, but I don’t know what we’ve done.