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Original poster

He didn’t get me an anniversary card

13 replies

MamFran · 28/08/2023 06:32

8 year wedding anniversary and husband didn’t get me a card.
I don’t want or expect gifts but I love a card. He has always got me one for occasions.
We’ve had a rocky few months (at one point he was wondering if he wanted to separate) we had many emotional conversations over a few weeks and decided to work on us- agreed to counselling etc.
so I feel this anniversary was the one to make the effort! This is why not getting a card has really hurt me.
we did go out for a lovely dinner and drinks kid free which was nice.
when I talked about the card he simply said oh I was meant to get one yesterday but I forgot. Not good enough tbh! But I put it aside so we could enjoy our night together.

am I overreacting?

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 28/08/2023 06:37

I think there may be some people who will say - it's only a card. Don't worry about it it. I can understand why you it might bother you though, as after 7 years of buying cards for your anniversary, he's chosen this year (after you've had some problems) to not buy one. So you analyse if it means he no longer cares / or is he making a point by not buying one?

BUT - you went for a lovely meal, so it appears not to be that.

Perhaps it truly was a one-off over-sight. In your shoes, I'd maybe say something, in a calm moment about how it bothered you that it meant something. Hopefully he'll reassure you and it will turn out to be fine.

If you think he's generally making less effort / cares less, then of course that's another matter.

Tohaveandtohold · 28/08/2023 06:39

Yes I’ll say you’re overreacting. He didn’t forget the day because you still did other things to mark your anniversary.
You are trying to work on your marriage and I’ll say focus more on the positives in the things happening in your marriage, not getting a card is not something I’ll be holding as a grudge

WandaWonder · 28/08/2023 06:50

So a card is more important that doing what you did to actually celebrate it?

MintJulia · 28/08/2023 06:53

He celebrated your anniversary, you had a lovely dinner together child-free. I think you can probably forgive the lack of a card. Working on a relationship means both sides cutting the other some slack.

RoachFish · 28/08/2023 06:59

I’m probably the wrong person to answer because I really couldn’t care less about getting a card or not. I might have bought 20 cards in my 45 year long life. I just use words and kind gestures instead.

You did mark the day together by going out so for me that would be more than enough. Presumably what you want is his time and attention and that you got.

Maddy70 · 28/08/2023 07:03

I haven't bought my husband a card in decades its just a piece of paper. You went out for an intimate dinner. I think you're overreacting tbh

BeMoreBarbie · 28/08/2023 07:16

It's a hard one. If he knows how much you love a card and didn't get one, it's a bit shit. Almost like he's gone through the motions but not done the important part.

However, I don't get the joy of cards. They're pre manufactured and no thought goes into it other than "that's a pretty one" and a quick "lots of love, Dave" so it really is insignificant if he marked the day and treated you.

I think the issue here is the troubles you had. Are they over? Are you comfortable?

OnSilverStars · 28/08/2023 07:17

Feel like you're looking for a reason to be upset with him. Do you have a lovely date night? Does the bit of paper represent a good, loving marriage to you?

Would it have been ok for him to say things to you he might have written in a card or was not having the £1.99 mass produced bog standard pseudo poetry a deal breaker?

For context it's our anniversary today and we've not bothered with cards but we're having some much more meaningful time together later today

SpringleDingle · 28/08/2023 07:19

Did you get him anything?

GnomeDePlume · 28/08/2023 07:22

The significance of the card will depend on the relationship.

DH and I don't buy each other gifts but we do buy each other cards. The card has to have a joke. We put a lot of effort into finding cards with good jokes.

OffOnMyHols · 28/08/2023 07:23

Hmm I get that the card is important to you but it’s just a card. You still celebrated and that has to count for something. DH and I have had years when we just acknowledge our anniversary and others when we do something special but cards are the least important part (DH still signs them with a ? like it’s a schoolboy valentine).

A card filled with mass produced sentiments really shouldn’t be the be all and end all should it. Spending time together is what really counts.

crossstitchingnana · 28/08/2023 07:34

It's about our partners doing the little things that are important to us. Like my dh will bring home my favourite chocolate bar for eg. It makes me feel cared for. For some (like my dm) it's a card.

alwaysmovingforwards · 28/08/2023 13:03

Maddy70 · 28/08/2023 07:03

I haven't bought my husband a card in decades its just a piece of paper. You went out for an intimate dinner. I think you're overreacting tbh

Likewise, either you found either unnecessarily demanding or a drama lama.

OP, you said he was thinking of leaving... hopefully you're also working on concessions / improvements you're focusing on also.

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