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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DM: Reconciling my guilt with my utter dislike

3 replies

Feebleexcuses · 28/08/2023 05:12

My DM is 77. I thought we'd always had a complicated relationship but actually I don't think it is. She's just not very nice, utterly selfish and I don't like her.

As a teen she left me with my alcoholic, emotionally abusive df. She literally just disappeared one day, failing to collect me from a residential school trip so that my teacher ended up taking me home. At 14, df harangued me so much that I took an overdose. She took me to the hospital and then dropped me back there afterwards.

That has pretty much been the flavour of our relationship. She has no real interest in my life or that of my DC. She was in a relationship with my SD for the last 25 years but he died 2 years ago. I supported her throughout his illness, was there every day including the day he died. They were both hoarders and chose to live in a way that most wouldn't so this was a challenge, particularly ensuring he was able to receive care at home (had to clear the house to get the bed in and a path through etc etc). DM knew this was problematic but would always blame him for the house and all the stuff.

DM has since moved house into a bungalow. She lives about 500m up the road from me but I never see her. In fact I rarely talk to her but she doesn't initiate any contact. She barely has any relationship with my dc. She sent a text asking how eldest DC did in his exams to which I responded but she didn't reply after that - didn't say well done or ask his plans, nothing. She has looked after youngest dc (10) when we've been desperate but I try to avoid it as she just lets her watch TV whilst she plays in her phone.

Her new house is back to being like the old one. It's cluttered and smells. She compulsively buys things she doesn't need but you can't have a conversation about it as she shuts down. We end up with random tat for all presents as she'll have "found a bargain". Nothing is ever bought or done with the receiver at the heart, it's always about her. For instance, she'll sometimes drop off some food that she's found on the super reduced isles. However, it won't be about us needing it or wanting it, it's about it being cheap and too big for her ( but often not enough to feed all of us).

I've got to a point where I'm so resentful of her that I've given up. I've stopped initiating contact and I've stopped inviting her round. She of course would never think to do it herself. You can't have any conversation with her about it. She shuts down at any confrontation or conflict and it makes no difference so there is no point. I really dislike her, she's not a nice person but then I also feel so fucking guilty and responsible. How the hell do you reconcile the feelings of guilt and responsibility in this situation?

OP posts:
Cherryana · 28/08/2023 05:35

I think you stop expecting anything from her at all, accept you don’t like her. That is fine. You are allowed to feel this. And you are allowed to do minimal checks on her welfare because she is clearly suffering mentally.

What if you were able to do a few things:

Sit down and think about pro-active and practical boundaries that you can implement. So you feel more in control of this relationship.

Eg - call her once a week/welfare check
and have a preset list of questions so it’s practical rather than personal.

Put your mental armour on - accepting she can not give you any maternal relationship or care. She does not have the mental or emotional capability and she never did. This was never about you though. It has always been about her mental fragility. Approach is as ‘she can’t rather than she deliberately didn’t’.

Spend some time thinking about how strong you have been to not be defined by the dysfunctional start to life and how you have built a caring family unit for your children.

Writingonthewalls · 28/08/2023 05:40

I don’t like or get on with my mother. I sort out practical issues for her and avoid personal conversations. I spend as little time as I can with her. It’s the only way to avoid a big fall out and protect my mental health.

BackAgainstWall · 28/08/2023 06:02

Look up why you have FOG
Fear, Obligation and Guilt.

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