Can people really change?

[emilyrw1998]

Hi everyone, this isn't my own personal relationship it's actually a friends but I need to know I am giving her the right advice about her current boyfriend. She has been with him for nearly 2 years. He left his ex girlfriend of 8 years for her (they wasn't happy anymore this was public knowledge but besides the point). Anyway, she has recently gone through his phone to the beginning of their relationship and has found messages and pictures from that time between him and his ex girlfriend that are inappropriate. He had confessed to kissing his ex girlfriend at the beginning which was after the dates of the messages and pictures. He has been nothing but amazing with her and he does seem a really nice person but I'm so protective ! What if this is just your typical narcissistic beginning and his true self will be revealed in years to come or can people change for the right person?

His ex may have been distraught by the relationship ending and he may have kissed her to comfort her and it became something more than a kind gesture.

If he's been faithful until now, I think it's worth cautiously carry8i. ing on:. Watch out for red flags from now on
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I'm going with cautiously continuing, too. Eight years is a long time - even when the relationship's gone horribly wrong, there's a lot of attachment there which can take some unravelling.

It's actually pretty normal for someone (especially men, I suspect!) to cheat on their new partner with the old one for a while. While this is obviously far from ideal from any point of view, it's part of the weird detachment process.

It doesn't even mean he was hedging his bets. He might have been, of course, since there was an overlap between your friend and the ex. But it's equally likely their relationship really was over but they kind of 'stuck' a little before finally splitting for good.

If it didn't go on for more than a year or so, I reckon she's safe.

I’m not sure I’s consider it an ‘overlap’ unless an overlap is just a nice term for cheating, and he was cheating on his ex with your friend.

Tbh there’s obviously a reason she went through his phone and then she finds something. If you’ve cheated in a previous relationship you are more likely to cheat in your current one there was a huge piece of research on it a few years ago. Don’t get me wrong I am not a once a cheat always a cheat person that’s ridiculous, but being involved with someone who cheated is a risk you take.

Two years in is nothing. I’d be watching. Maybe I’m cynical.

It's actually pretty normal for someone (especially men, I suspect!) to cheat on their new partner with the old one for a while

it really isn’t. You have very low standards.

Unlikely More like he wanted to have his cake and eat it. Seems like he did cheat on his ex with new dp and therefore she has to accept the worry he could do the same to her. Goes with the territory.