When To Call It A Day?

[sinsi]

Ive been married to DH for 3 and half years. Not sure which one of us has changed, but thismarriage certianly isnt going the way I had planned.

I feel I am pulled up by him for everything I do. Two days ago we argued because I refused to call up the supermarket to ask for a refund (they had overcharged him but he didnt check his receipt). I felt why should I when he speaks English. The argument today was that I got stressed out when DS was playing up when we were trying to eat breakfast and apparently, as I had been up looking after him since 6.30am I had been in a foul mood all day, and if I couldnt cope looking after him then he would happily take him to his parents for them to look after.

DH is quite verbally aggressive. I often feel talked down to, and just feel that I dont quite deserve the aggro that Im getting.

My Mum died 3 months ago, my Dad died 7 years ago- Im now 23. Im an only child and have no other relatives. DH is foreign so his family are overseas.

I feel emotionally drained. I grew up with parents at each others throats, and I dont want my DS to be the same. He is only 6 months old, but the thought of him being unhappy like I was hurts so much.

DH says Im fine for two weeks, then my attitude changes and he doenst know how long he can cope.

I feel like Im walking on eggshells around him, wondering what he's going to pick on me about next. I dont drive, and I feel very cut off from the world.

He said that he has ambitions, but he's not fulfilling them because now he's tied to his family. That makes me feel like Im making him even more unhappy.

I dont work due to looking after DS, so the only income we have is DH's and then tax credits. I certianly have never gone without, but it seems that gets dragged up everytime we argue.

Im sick of trying to act in accordance with his mood in order to avoid arguments, but Im so tired of it. I feel drained. To top it off its Mothers Day tomorrow. My first as a Mum, yet my first without my own Mum.

He says I use her death as a reason for trying to sweeten him up after arguments. Nobody seems to understand how much Im hurting after losing her. I feel like I have nobody, and DH dragging me down even further.

I wouldnt change DS for the world, but God do I wish I had never got married to DH. Im scared and dont know what to do

sinsi

Please make an appointment ASAP with your GP to discuss your situation, which is not easy. If you could get some counselling on the NHS that would be wonderful. You need to be able to grieve properly for your mother and to regain strength before working on your relationship with your DH, and you will need emotional support for that.

It sound like you need to do some serious talking- is counselling an option?

GP prescribed me antidepressants before, but I didnt take them as didnt want to become reliant, and as it was just after Mum died, I thought that it was the normal grieving process anyway.

Counselling would be an option, but I just dont know if DH can change. He has always has a temper, and although admitting it, never makes those steps forward to try change.

I feel like Im the one trying to make amends all the time.

He normally leaves for work at 4pm but has already left, so Im an emotional wreck and trying to keep DS entertained whilst my mind is all over the place

Ive thought about the bad points in this marriage more then the good points. I feel lost, scared and hurt

sinsi, very sorry for your situation. You sound trapped

If dh were no longer in your life, how does that make you feel? Are you able to support yourself and ds independently?

Likes it all his own way, doesn't he?

I think you should be very proud of yourself - you've had an extremely hard time of it, have lost your parents very young and you're trying your hardest to raise your son to be happy and make your marriage work. You're a lot more mature at 23 than I ever was.

You need a strategy, and I think you should ask your GP to refer you to a bereavement counsellor asap. Three months is no time at all - I've just posted on a mothers' day thread saying how I still miss my mother after 25 years. Give yourself a bit of time, and take the ADs if your GP thinks you need them, and when you start feeling a bit stronger THEN make a decision about your marriage.