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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not like the new DH (antidepressants )

15 replies

Adfcuk · 27/08/2023 22:25

Sorry the title is a little blunt but wasn’t sure how to word it.

Weve been together for 6 years and around 3 years ago DH started taking ADs to cope with his anxiety. He’s probably had around 2 years off work because of it in total.

The penny dropped for me a year ago that the AD were probably causing some of the issues in our relationship, the passion has fizzled out, he complains about being tired all the time, he’s become rather “dull”, I think this is the emotional blunting that can happen with these AD.

Hes tried therapy but it doesn’t really do anything, his words, to be fair I believe he’s given it a good go. He has taken different ADs before but they made him suicidal so compared to that sertraline is great!

Without wanting to sound selfish it’s making me feel a bit sad. I’ve tried to tell him that I would like a bit more of affection, a hug, a kiss anything. I want to be the same couple we once were and it breaks my heart because I still feel the same way about him now as I did then. It was fun and exciting. I don’t seem to be able to get through to him how much of an issue it is for me.

I did try to discuss the side effects and I guess fair enough he doesn’t want to come off the tablets but I don’t think I can take many more years like this.

help

Sertraline: an antidepressant medicine

NHS medicines information on sertraline – what it's used for, side effects, dosage and who can take it.

https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/sertraline/

OP posts:

Original poster

Adfcuk · 27/08/2023 22:26

Can anyone relate?

OP posts:

PurpleSweetPeas · 27/08/2023 22:29

Can totally relate to the emotional bluntness, the lack of anything. We really struggled whilst my DH was on them. He came off of them and now we have the increased ups and downs but I'd prefer that to the nothingness we had before

reallyworriedjobhunter · 27/08/2023 22:31

I'm in the other side of this - my DH wants me to be the pre-ADs me. So do I but they are literally the only thing keeping me going.

It's hard for everyone - on both sides of this situation.

Original poster

Adfcuk · 27/08/2023 22:39

PurpleSweetPeas · 27/08/2023 22:29

Yes totally this. The nothingness. It can’t be good for him either. Never really feeling happy. Never really feeling anything much.

reallyworried. Yes I think it’s the same here. Best of luck.

OP posts:

Myyearmytime · 27/08/2023 22:47

I loved it when my ex was on ad . It was so much calmer in the house.
But it still even better when he left.

AD do make a massive difference..

ApplePlantagenet · 28/08/2023 09:13

I just wanted to respond to say I can sympathise with how you feel. My partner has always been on AD since we met so this is not a new thing for me. He is a brilliant guy and I know that he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. But we have a situation where I feel emotionally rejected, I bring it up, he says he will try to show more emotion but it doesn't last. And so it goes. I know he doesn't mean to do it and that it is difficult for him. We talked about it again last night and I tried to be so careful with my wording to explain it wasn't an attack but he still got defensive.
I don't see why I should have to agree to a life where I am never hugged or kissed with out me instigating it. I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say I completely understand how you feel.

Saysoe · 28/08/2023 09:25

@ApplePlantagenet

Does he respond warmly to you instigating or is it still a bit detached?

ApplePlantagenet · 28/08/2023 09:29

He does respond warmly. It is like he just would never ever think to do it, which bothers me. I don't like the idea that it doesn't cross his mind.

Luckydip1 · 28/08/2023 09:34

There are a whole range of ADs, some of which can energise the patient rather than dull them, so worth having a chat with your GP.

JudyJulie · 28/08/2023 09:41

My ex was on Seroxat, but blamed me for his impotence rather than understanding it was a side effect of the medication. This was a major factor in the demise of our relationship.

29 years later, he's still on them and has never had another relationship.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 28/08/2023 09:45

I’ve been on practically everyone AD going. They don’t all cause bluntness or tiredness.

Sertraline made me very tired. Fluoxetine and Venlafaxine make me sparkling and lovely.

Mmhmmn · 28/08/2023 09:47

JudyJulie · 28/08/2023 09:41

My ex was on Seroxat, but blamed me for his impotence rather than understanding it was a side effect of the medication. This was a major factor in the demise of our relationship.

29 years later, he's still on them and has never had another relationship.

Oh bloody hell 😢
I feel like that's quite unusual for a man, they usually seek out a n other woman asap?

Rivergardens · 28/08/2023 09:52

I have been on various meds and they may calm you but I felt nothing and I mean nothing. I was however on the max dose for a number of years.

With the agreement of my medical team I am off meds, my case is complicated and to reach this sort of level of wellness I have had 5 years of therapy and still have a number I can call if in difficulty. This is on the NHS. I do not go in to great detail about my background but stuff that happened to me as a child is extreme, I was almost killed in one of the attacks I was subjected to.

It’s not his fault obviously, if he knows why he is the way he is then extensive therapy may help and I mean years. Some people unfortunately don’t really know why they are depressed or cannot face the reason and are in denial. This was me for much of my life.

Whatever happens good luck.

cherryassam · 28/08/2023 09:52

What dosage is he on? It might be worth playing around with the dosage a bit. When I am on a high dosage (150mg+) I get the much more pronounced emotional bluntness, but at 50mg I don’t. In fact I am probably a bit too up and down at 50mg for my DH but not in a way that is outside the realms of ‘normal’.

Original poster

Adfcuk · 31/08/2023 18:52

I appreciate all your words.

He’s on 100mg, I think it goes 50, 100 and 150.

OP posts:

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