2 years in, wants to take things slow?

[KittyD123]

So I (27f) and my girlfriend (32f) have been dating for 2 years and living together for 18 months. Back in March I proposed and she said no, that she wasn't ready. She's been asking me to slow down, asking me what the rush is and that I'm very very intense.

I love her so much, and really want this to work but am I kidding myself?

Hmm...in what other ways does she say you've been 'intense' ?

I think 2 years is probably the earliest I'd expect a proposal but if I wasn't ready then I'd just say 'yes but let's make it a long engagement' and look to have the wedding within the next 2 years.

The straight no, without any kind of suggested time line like 'ask me again in around a year and we'll see' ...would make me think she maybe doesn't want to get married.

Have you spoke to her about her views on marriage? Does she have similar views to you on things like: where you'd both want to live in future, if you want kids and how you'd raise them ect... do you get along with rachothers families?

Maybe she isn't thinking about keeping this relationship longterm. Or maybe she just recgonises possible incompatibilities that might arrive in future and doesn't want to get serious as then they might end the relationship when they become more apparent.

Maybe by you being 'intense' she might mean you want kids and she actually, doesn't, so when you bring them up it makes her feel really pressured. As an example. But you don't recgonise that that's an intense situation for her because you just assume you want the same things.

Thank you for the reply, she says I'm intense because I have a lot of love, I'm very I guess 'old school romantic' if you get what I mean. I already have 2 children from a previous relationship and we both agree no more.

She says she wants to get married but doesn't want to rush anything. But no I don't have a time line, she just asked me to wait for her to do it.

I get on with her family a lot but my family are a little homophobic so it's a losing battle there but civil enough.

I think I would just take her lead then, and perhaps cool down the 'old school romantic' a little. There is a time and a place for full-on romantic gestures. It might not be the way she enjoys to be treated, so again, perhaps you can look at the ways in which she shows you love, so you understand her 'love language' better?

It is hard when people are 'full on', if you are not in the same way, and it can create a little distance, instead of bringing you closer together. Especially, if the recipient of the 'love' doesn't really enjoy the form it comes in, and hence feels it is more about the 'giver' and what they like, than about them, really. Perhaps look at the way she interacts with you, and reciprocate in the same way and on the same level for a while, and see how that works for your relationship.

In case you both have completely different ways of interacting and showing love, you may want to think of your long-term compatibility, though.