To vasect or or not vasectomy

[Forevermumofone]

DP of 14 years and father of our 3 Y/O DS has been talking about getting a vasectomy lately. Since DS was only a couple of weeks old, he has been adamant on having no more.

Financially, this makes sense. We have a small house and would love to pay off the mortgage early. This wouldn't be feasible with another baby. We have also found parenthood rough and enjoy the ease that has come with DS getting older.

However! I have learnt so much since becoming a mum. As hard as it can be, I'm amazed when I watch the little creature we made grow. I also fantasize about having another - I know what I'm doing a bit more now.

I've said to DP that I'm uneasy about such a permanent procedure because while I'm pretty sure I'm happy with just one, you just never know. I do feel if we had another, it would be my fault if things didn't really work out how we want them to and I would be resented.

Ultimately I know it is our decision to make but I'd love to hear from others who have come to this point in their relationship and made a decision one way or another.

Lol it’s his decision not yours

We have 2 and always said we’d have 2 so we recently discussed vasectomy. DH is adamant about getting one. I did get a little sad knowing that it makes the decision “final” even though I’m fairly certain we don’t want any more. There’s no changing your mind (I know they can be reversed but it’s not a given). There’s also a fairly long waiting list. So yeah, I think it’s the finality of it all.

I’m currently pregnant with number 3 and DH and I have already started talking about vasectomies. I don’t want him to get one until this baby is here and all is well but 3 will be enough. We’d actually made the decision to stop at 2 but fate had other ideas.

It’s my husband’s decision because it’s his body but I know he wouldn’t make the decision without at least discussing it with me first. I wouldn’t get my tubes tied without discussing it with him first either.

There's always one 🙄 yeah - of course it's his decision. What I was trying to say is, while any advice and experience would be helpful, I know the decision is with us/HIM in the end as all circumstances are different.

It's definitely that finality. I think for me there's also a big expectation from others that you won't have just one. Shouldn't be a factor, I know.

The finality worried me a bit too, but financial security is absolutely worth it.

I think it’s about the consequences of another unexpected pregnancy on you, your partner and family life that you have to weigh up OP. Would your partner just accept another child into the mix ultimately? Does your partner feel so strongly against another child he would expect you to end the pregnancy ? How would that affect you and your mental health/ relationship long term if you did? Was there always an agreement you’d have an only child? I see it about what’s at stake in the end if you had an accident and better to not put yourself in that position if it would be terrible for you.
I have to say your partner seems pretty set on the idea which makes me think properly best to accept your family and be content x

My husband had a vasectomy about 4 months after our only child was born. She's 4 years old now and neither of us has regretted it for a second.

Both of us are in our 40s though, so subsequent pregnancies probably wouldn't have happened anyway.

Also just to add I know several men that have had the snip and gone onto have other children in new relationships..it can be reversed or a form if IVF used so not totally final (!) but yes likely final in your relationship x

Thanks everyone. Really appreciate these perspectives. I guess it just seems brash at 32 to have a vasectomy. He is pretty set, but I know he would agree to another if it was what I really wanted. I suppose maybe I shouldn't really have a child with someone who is a bit whatever about it...